


Millennium

by Wholesaleromance, wrotedownoursong



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BB-8 likes Ben, Broken Bones, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jedi Ben Solo, M/M, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Smuggler Ben Solo, Stormpilot, Torment, Uncle Chewbacca
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-05-19 10:35:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5964193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wholesaleromance/pseuds/Wholesaleromance, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrotedownoursong/pseuds/wrotedownoursong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon finding the Millennium Falcon again, Ben Solo and Chewbacca discover three stowaways that flew the ship off planet.  One of them being a very curious girl named Rey that Ben feels an almost instantaneous connection with.  A what-if, Ben Solo as a Smuggler/Jedi story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Religion

**Author's Note:**

> I'ts back up! I got a Beta and she had a lot of changes to make. Here's the first chapter. I've still got more edits to wade through, but look forward to more! This was inspired by this picture from Tumblr: http://arriku.tumblr.com/post/138397828772/ben-skywalker-amidala-organa-solo Literally changed my entire life! Thank you Arriku for being so gr8.

It had only been a decade since he and Chewbacca last boarded the  _ Millennium Falcon _ , though it felt like centuries. It was like coming home. It was so safe, familiar, and ultimately somehwat rickety. He could smell the telltale stench of mechanical failure and the acrid smell of human sweat. Someone was on board. This fact had already been made obvious considering that the ship couldn't have made it out of the atmosphere of Jakku on its own.  _ The Falcon _ was legendary, but not magical.

Chewbacca grumbled something behind him and he nodded, looking at the railing on the ship’s floor. He hoisted it up with a flick of his wrist and peered down into the cubby.  Two humans—one male, one female, and a Droid—blinked back at him. The two humans looked startled, but the droid appeared to be almost frightened (as much as a droid  _ could _ appear frightened).  The young woman looked as if she were ready to engage with him in combat.  Well, that wasn’t good.

“Get out of there,” he commanded, stepping back to allow the three of them to climb out from the hole. “Where's the pilot?” 

The girl glared at him.

“I'm the pilot,” she said indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest. He watched her with his eyebrows raised. He could have sworn they had lost the Falcon to someone decidedly less human, less female, and a whole lot less attractive.  He studied her for a moment, eyes raking over her lithe form.  She was thin and muscular, though somewhat malnourished.  He could tell from the hollow of her cheeks and the way her robes hung off her body.  She looked uncomfortable beneath his gaze.

“That can't be right,” he said, pursing his lips and thinking for a moment. She looked as if she were going to argue with him, but he cut her off. “How did you come across the Millennium Falcon?” 

She paused for a moment, eyes widening, eyebrows raised high on her forehead in surprise.

“ _The_ _Millennium Falcon_?” She asked, sounding impressed.

“Yes,” he said, before continuing with a flirty grin: “ _ My _ Millennium Falcon.” 

Chewbacca made a noise of protest behind him. 

He turned and looked at the Wookie over his shoulder. “ _ Our _ Millennium Falcon.” 

The girl gave him a once over. “You look a  _ little _ young to be Han Solo,” she admitted. Next to her, her companion laughed quietly.

“You're very observant,” he tells her, clapping his hands together. “And you still haven't told me how you happened to find m- _ our _ ship.”

“I stole it,” she said simply. “Now tell me who you are.”

“You  _ stole _ it?” He responded with a laugh. “Why am I not surprised?” He turned to share a meaningful glance with Chewbacca, and the Wookie made a noise of amusement.

“Tell me who you are,” The girl repeated, voice borderline dangerous. 

He turned back to her, running his fingers through his dark hair for a moment before deciding how to go about this situation.  He decided the best course of action would be to, of course, antagonize her. 

“You first.” 

The woman glowered at him, setting her jaw and grinding her teeth. Next to her, her male companion shifted uncomfortably.  She must have quite the temper, Ben realized. The droid at her feet tilted its head backwards to look at her.

“No,  _ you _ .” He laughed. She was stubborn, he'd give her that. But he wouldn't give in. He could feel Chewbacca staring at him, willing him to just give up and be the polite young man his mother raised him to be.  But that was just it, he was his mother's son through and through and that woman’s stubbornness rivaled almost anyone else's in the Galaxy. Getting him to give in would not be so easy.

“ _ You're _ the one who stole our ship,” he informed her coolly. “I think it's only fair yo--”

“Oh for the love of!” her male companion shouted. “I'm Finn,” he said with annoyance, before motioning to the girl. “This is Rey,” and last he motions to the droid, “and this is BB-8.” 

Rey glared daggers at Finn.

“BB-8?” Ben asked in interest, looking down at the small BB-8 unit with orange and white coloring. “the droid both The Resistance and The First Order are looking for?” His lips curled into a grin. Oh, this would be fun.

“Just tell him the droid has a map that leads to Luke Skywalker why don’t you!” Rey growled to Finn.  Finn stared back at her, less than impressed by her admission.  He hadn’t been about to tell anyone that, Ben was certain, but he found himself glad Rey had managed to blurt out that little tidbit of information.  Not that finding his former Jedi Master was high on his list of priorities, but it would mean something to his mother.

“The droid has a map that leads to Luke?” He asked, very interested in the cargo this droid possesses.  At least now he knew why The First Order and The Resistance were so eager to get their hands on it. 

“Yes,” Rey mumbled, moving to fall into a fighting stance.  She grips her staff in her hands and narrowed her eyes at him.  He laughed.

“I’m not going to fight you,” he tells her, instead extending his hand. “I'm Ben Solo.” 

Rey paused, eyeing him suspiciously. Next to her, BB-8 beeps comfortingly. She turns to look at the droid briefly before facing Ben again and relaxing her stance, placing the staff back over her shoulder.  Of  _ course _ she would take the droid’s words over his. He lets his hand fall back to his side.

“Thank you, BB-8,” he responds to the droid with a grin. “He’s right you know,” Ben continues, “General Leia Organa  _ is _ my mother.  Glad to see you remember me, droid.” 

Rey stared at him in disbelief and BB-8 beeps in annoyance. The droid doesn’t much care for being referred to as, “droid”.

“Are you taking us to The First Order?” Finn asked. Both Ben and Chewbacca laughed.  The man had completely missed the point of this whole conversation. 

“Of course not,” Ben said, “I would never turn in my  _ uncle _ to those morons.”

“Your Uncle?” Rey asked flatly, obviously in disbelief.

“Yes, my  _ uncle _ ,” Ben responded, driving the point home. BB-8 beeped in confirmation, obviously on his side now that he knew who he was.  It had been a long time since Ben had visited his mother, it was a wonder the BB unit believed his story at all.  Especially considering he’s certain he only ever met the droid once, if that.  He had been with R2 at the time, attempting to coax the droid out of reserve power when the BB unit had rolled in with his master, one of his mother’s best pilots, in tow.  

He never did figure out what was wrong with R2 before he left with his father.  His mother had been devastated, and he couldn’t stand the way she looked at him after Luke had fled.  He felt like she was seeing a ghost instead of him.  His father didn’t look at him that way, not always.  

“Luke Skywalker is  _ real _ ?” She asked in a whisper.  He laughed again, it was his turn to stare at her in disbelief.  “I always thought he was just a story,” she continued thoughtfully. “Does this mean The Force and the Jedi are also real?”  The look of disbelief on his face, gave way to legitimate shock that she had no idea that The Force or Jedi were very much real.

“They’re all real,” he tells her, “I have first hand experience.”  He paused for a long moment here, feeling Chewbacca’s gaze on him, the wookie wondering if he was going to say any more about the Jedi.  The idea of telling this girl—this  _ stranger _ —the story of what had been done to them wasn’t high on his list of priorities.  He shot his uncle a withering glance and knew he understood.

“Anyway,” he said. “I’ll be taking the Falcon back now. Thank you for finding it.”

“You can’t just leave us here!” Rey shouted, surprised by his insolence, the conversation finally going where he needed it to. 

“I actually can,” he responded, watching in amusement as her face twisted in rage. “but I won't. We need to get that droid to the Resistance before it’s too late.”

“That's where it’s master is from,” Finn explained, adding as an afterthought, “and me as well.” Ben eyed him with amusement. This kid was so obviously not part of the Resistance. Not if he asked if Ben was going to be taking them back to The First Order after he mentioned General Organa.  

“Ah,” he said, deciding to play along. “I can take you to  _ your _ base, but first we need to take a small detour.” 

“Detour?” Rey asked.

“Yeah,” he responded, wincing slightly. “Dear old dad seems to have gotten himself into some deep shit with a few rival gangs. Nothing to worry about. Quick in, quick out rescue.” Rey did not look amused by the turn of events. 

“Your...dad?” Rey asked.

“Oh, was that not obvious?” Ben asked sarcastically. “Han Solo?”  

Rey rolled her eyes at him.

“What?” Ben continued with a smirk, heading towards the flight deck with Chewbacca in tow. “I can't leave him out there. Even if I wanted to, Chewbacca would smother me to death under all that fur.” Chewbacca growled in agreement.

“I need you to take me back to Jakku,” Rey says suddenly. 

Ben, who had just been about to climb the ladder to the deck, turned around and stared at her.  Next to her, he heard her companion’s gasp of surprise, followed by a mumbled, “Why does everyone want to go back to Jakku?”

“Why?” Ben asked, ignoring the other man.

“I...I didn't ask for this. You and Finn can handle the droid. I need to go back and wait for my family.” She looked conflicted, almost pained to have to leave BB-8 with strangers. Ben Solo shook his head.

“I'm not taking you back,” he told her, holding up a hand when she opens her mouth to protest. “We really need to rescue my father first. It's actually a little time sensitive and we may have already taken too much of a detour when we discovered the Falcon.” Rey stared at him in disbelief.

He left the three of them behind him as he made his way up the ladder with Chewbacca.  Unbeknownst to him, BB-8 revealed the sliver of map he contained shortly thereafter to a curious and eager Rey.

Rescuing his father consisted of flying to a planet called Takodana and visiting a huge fortress run by a small woman named Maz. Han Solo had never really been in any danger, he had just needed funds to settle a debt. Funds his son and Chewbacca were begrudgingly bringing to him after smuggling several Ranthars for a job Han had set up.

“Ben Solo!” Maz said loudly, clapping the smuggler’s son on his back. Ben chuckled and looked down at her.

“A pleasure to see you as always, Maz,” Ben said with a disarming grin. “I'm here to find my father.” Maz clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes.

“I hope you brought the credits, or they may actually kill him this time.”  Ben laughed at that, he’d like to see someone try to kill his father as long as he was still around.  “You can find him down in the basement, he has quite the audience of crime lords currently.”  Ben smiled, shaking his head before he turned to where Rey and Finn were standing a few feet away with BB-8. 

“Come on,” he ordered, waving for them to follow after him and Chewbacca.

“Leave the Wookie,” Maz said with a wicked grin as she gazes up at Chewbacca.  Ben looks up at his uncle in a silent question.  He responded in kind, handing Ben his bowcaster and letting Maz grip his enormous furry hand and lead him to a table so they can catch up.  Ben turned back to his other companions, waving them forward once more with an amused expression as he watched Chewbacca and Maz.

Rey steps forward, shooting a questioning glance in the direction of the two, and Finn and the droid follow after her.  He pushed through the crowd and headed down into the basement where his father awaited in the presence of several crime lords he had managed to swindle over the years.  Ben just hoped he doesn’t have to draw his lightsaber this time, he’d much rather avoid getting his hands dirty.  Especially since he currently had guests.  He would be a poor host if he were leading these poor unsuspecting travelers into a trap.  His mother would be livid.

“Where are you leading us?” Rey asked as they made their way down the stairs.  They were old, covered in dirt and moss and he knew what this looked like, of course.  He could tell she definitely didn’t trust him.

“To Han Solo,” he informed her, descending the stairs two at a time.  He was ready to get this over with.  Pay off the crime bosses and then handle this droid business.  He knew his mother would be grateful for the BB unit, after all it  _ did _ belong to one of her better pilots.  He just hoped she would be equally happy to see him and his father again as well.

“And he’s down here...in this dungeon?” Rey inquired.  She certainly asked a lot of questions, not that he could blame her, not really.  He was a stranger, but he hadn’t done anything to harm her yet, and he knew she had seen the lightsaber at his hip. 

“Yes,” Ben responded, reaching the bottom of the stairs and starting to walk down the dirt covered hallway.  He veered off to the right and his three companions struggled to keep up with him.  His stride was long and sure while the rest of them stuttered along, with the exception of BB-8, who seemed to have no problem predicting his movements and following.  He managed a smile at that.

“Why?” Rey asked, almost jogging to keep up with him now.  Though it didn’t seem like it really bothered her, not as much as it bothered her friend Finn who was glaring at him.  He ignored the fake Resistance member in favor of answering Rey’s endless stream of questioning.

“To make little scavengers ask questions,” he retorted, picking up on some of her surface thoughts; a party trick he learned from some of the Jedi he’d encountered in his life.  Before they had all been  _ slaughtered _ by The First Order, that is.  Rey stumbled  for a moment, her face belaying surprise.

“Ho-how did you know?” She asked. He just chuckled and shook his head.

“No matter now,” he informed her, stopping in front of one of the many doors located in the hall. “We’re here.”  He reached out then, knocking on the large wooden door in front of him.  The slot located above the knocker flicked open.  Ben had to hold back laughter at how dramatic this whole situation was, his father always seemed to fall line with these sort of people.

“Who are you?” a male Pa’lowick asked, trunk lowered and beady eyes peering at him from the slot.  Ben grinned charmingly.  

“I believe you have something that belongs to me,” he responded.  The Pa’lowick stared at him, unblinking and several long moments of silence passed between the two of them.

“I’m here for Han Solo,” Ben clarified with an eyeroll.  He tapped his long fingers against his thigh impatiently.  The Pa’lowick continued to stare at him as if he hadn’t said anything at all.

“I have the credits,” he continued, clenching his jaw in annoyance.  This time the Pa’lowick finally acknowledged him, shutting the slot on the door and opening it just so.  Ben stalked forward, obviously annoyed by the events that had just transpired between them.  Rey, Finn, and BB-8 made sure to follow.  

“They can’t enter,” the Pa’lowick said, narrowing its eyestalks at his three companions.  Ben shot him another enchanting grin.  

“They’re my guests,” he informed the man, “they’re just here to help me with Han.”

“They can wait outside,” he argued, moving slightly out of the way to grant Ben entrance while glaring at Rey and Finn.  Ben shot an apologetic glance back at them before disappearing into the room to retrieve his father.

He found him sitting at a table, engaged in a game surrounded by several crime lords and their henchmen.  He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, but ultimately found the entire situation to be incredibly amusing.  Upon Ben’s entry to the room, Han turned over his shoulder, making eye contact with his son.

“Son!” He said, standing up from the table and breaking whatever spell he had on the men in the room.  

“Father,” Ben responded, albeit a bit less enthusiastic.  Not that he wasn’t happy to see his father, just that he knew this wasn’t anything close to the amount of credits these bosses had asked for.  

“I have the credits you asked for,” Ben said, tossing them onto the table for the bosses to fight over.  They began to shout insults right away, fighting greedily over the money as he had intended.  He met his father’s eyes, bidding him silently to move quickly away so that they could leave the room before they were discovered.

Han stood up from the table with grace and ease, moving away from the criminals at a pace that is quick, but not quick enough to raise suspicion.  Ben remained where he was, attempting to look relaxed as he watched and waited as his father made his way toward him.  It seemed like an eternity passed before Han is on the other side of him and Ben can finally turn to leave the room.  They’re almost to the door when the first blaster bolt sounds from behind them.

Out of instinct, Ben raised his hand and stops it in midair.  Han had already grabbed the bowcaster Ben had strapped to his shoulder for that reason.  He quickly aims and fires as Ben draws his saber.  He ignites the double sided blade and relishes just briefly as the look of fear on the faces of the men in the room is illuminated by the blue and red glow. 

Maz was going to be  _ pissed _ .

Han hits his knees, tipping over the nearest table and taking cover behind it.  Ben, now the only open target left in the room, takes fire.  He easily deflects the bolts from their blasters, watching as they make contact with his blade and fling off.  The room is bathed in an eerie glow as they continue to fire.

Behind cover, Han shoots, attempting to weed out the herd so Ben can get close enough to do more than deflect their blaster bolts.  He’s able to drop two of the men, but there’s still 8 left and the Pa’lowick that let him in is nowhere to be found.  Ben takes his chances, moving forward quickly, drawing on the force to throw the men back and disorient them.  He lunges, twirling his saber between him and two of the men.  He feels it make contact, the smell of blood and burning skin filling the air.  

He continues through them in a haze.  He can hear the bowcaster firing behind him, knocking the men back as he cuts down the ones his father misses.  The blood is rushing to his ears, the sound of his lightsaber, the bowcaster, and his breathing are the only things he can hear.  The fight is over before he realizes it is, and his father is by his side, face contorted in worry, fingers brushing against his face to bring him back down from the high of killing.  

Ben almost flinches away from his father’s touch, but he stops himself.  The look of pain that flashes in his father’s eyes briefly will haunt him for years to come.  He powers down his saber and re-sheathes it.  He’s breathing heavy, forehead beaded with sweat.  The fight hadn’t been particularly challenging, but he feels the pull within him, the same pull that has kept him from his mother all these years.  The pull of the darkness.

“What happened in here?” Rey asked, throwing the wooden door open.  She, Finn, and BB-8 entered the room quickly, eyeing the bodies on the ground, the smell of blood and singed flesh still heavy in the air.  Finn looks as if he may vomit, his face covered in sweat, his lips trembling.  Rey, for her part, doesn’t react much at all.  She keeps her eyes on Ben and Han, refusing to look around at the bodies that are at his feet.

“We should go,” Ben said, stepping over the body nearest him and heading towards the door.  His father follows him, saying nothing.  However, when Ben reaches Rey she stops him, her hand grazing his thigh in a decidedly, non-accidental way.  He’s nearly taken aback by her forwardness until he realizes she has the blaster he had strapped there aimed at someone behind his head.  She shoots, once, twice, and a third time before he hears the  _ thump _ of a body falling to the floor.  It’s only then that he looks over his shoulder, seeing the Pa’lowick on the ground.

“Nice shot,” his father says, clapping the girl on her shoulder.  She places the blaster back in it’s holster at his thigh, eyes meeting his for a moment as he feels her hand brush against him once more.  He almost shivers at the touch; there was something about this girl.  

“ _ Now _ can you take me back to Jakku?” she asked, effectively breaking the moment that had just passed between them.  He bites back a growl as he nods at her.  

“If that’s where you want to go,” he tells her. “But I thought for sure you’d want to see this little guy get handed over to the Resistance.”  He looks down at BB-8 who beeps an affirmative up to him, it seemed the droid wasn’t too keen on Rey going back to Jakku either.  

“It is,” she said seriously, with a tight nod. She really did want to return to her home, she had been gone too long. The anxiety of missing even a moment there after waiting for someone to come find her for 15 long years was irrational, but she knew she needed to return.

“I see you’ve made a mess again, Solo,” Maz grumbled from the doorway.  And as the small woman enters he sees Rey’s eyes suddenly glaze over like she’s listening to something she can’t quite hear. 


	2. Vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuck in a vision and living on a prayer. We meet some key players in The First Order and some questions are answered about Anakin's lightsaber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't I tell you I'd be back? It's been a long week but here's chapter 2 I hope you guys enjoy it and give me lots of comments because I love feedback!

Everyone’s voices are far away as he’s sucked into what can only be described as a vision.  Something is calling to her, something important.  He feels the pull of it within himself as well, forcing his feet to move forward without his instruction.  He grapples for something, anything to steady himself so that he can also ground her, but there’s nothing.  Fighting against the pull only seems to spur it on, moving them faster towards the doorway.

They’re both dazed as they stumble out of the room together, he vaguely registers that maybe Maz, or his father said something to him.  Or perhaps her friend Finn had been calling out to her.  But nothing stuck, the voices a vague memory while they continue onward as if they are possessed.  He feels sick, the sensation made worse by the feel of her own terror that is beginning to outweigh her curiosity.

He’s felt this before.  He felt it back at the temple the day Snoke tried to get him to murder the Jedi Padawans.  This is the pull of something strong in The Force.  He feels chest tighten, his breathing is short and it hurts.  He’s panicking, he knows, something is leading them both through the castle.  He can’t stop, he can’t stop himself in the same way he couldn’t stop all those years ago.

He can’t speak, his tongue is heavy like duraplast in his mouth.  His legs continue forward, following after her as if he’s hypnotized.  

“Ben?” His father sounds so far away, the blood rushing to his ears all over again.  They’re both in a room before he knows it, her long slender fingers brushing against a box.  She opens it slowly, peering down at the contents.  He can’t see it from the doorway, but the ‘voice’ is stronger here than anywhere else.  It echoes in his head and he’s terrified.  She places her hand around the object that is calling to them and they’re both lost, falling into a void together.  He’s in her mind, he can see everything that’s happening and he is _afraid_.

He sees Luke, he sees R2-D2, he sees...in reality he swallows hard, clenching his eyes closed tight and willing this part of the vision to go away, but it follows them throughout.  He gets the feeling that he’ll never be able to escape.  The weight of his fear is almost crushing at this point.  

He’s screaming when they come to.  Rey is kneeling on the ground before a lightsaber and he is _screaming_.  She’s staring up at him in disbelief as he wills his mouth closed, cutting off the sound of his scream.  The hallway sounds eerily quiet.  He hadn’t experienced a vision like that for over a decade and it shook him to his core.  

“Ben!” His father’s hands are on his shoulders, bringing him back to reality, helping the remnants of the vision dissipate.  He’s embarrassed, he’s ashamed, and he’s terrified. He pulls away from Han, backing out of the hallway and running.  He needs to get away from here, he feels sick to his stomach like something is coming for him.  He should have known not to get involved with this fight again, he should have just dropped them off on a different planet instead of taking them to his mother himself.

He’s in the forests of Takodana before he can stop himself.  He vaguely registers that the girl and the droid have followed him.  Something happened back in the catacombs of Maz’s castle.  Something between her, Maz, and Finn.  His father stays behinds with Chewbacca, he knows full well that there is nothing he can do to help him, not right now.  He’s lost in his thoughts when she gets closer.  Her emotions are in his head, prickling on his skin.  Something has awoken within her and he’s nearly overwhelmed by the sensation. Her fury and terror wash over him with such force it’s almost disorienting.  

“Stop!” He shouts out loud, hoping she’ll hear him.  He can barely focus on where she is, it feels like his senses are being attacked from all directions.  He can hardly get his bearings long enough to put his walls back up.  He’s drowning within her and he just needs a _second_ , a small moment to recover from the vision, from her awakening, from her power.

“Ben?” She asks and she sounds so close.  He’s clutching his head by now, the after effects of her vision swirling around in the air between them.  He takes deep, calming breaths.

“Calm yourself, girl,” he tells her, his voice shaking as he tries to get ahold of himself.  He’s the one who needs to remain calm.  The panicked beating of his heart is distracting to both of them.  The nausea he feels at being manipulated by the force, called out to by an object.  He doesn’t like to lack control, he remembers the last time it happened.  His skin crawls, remembering the spidery feeling of Snoke in the back of his mind, whispering darkness into his head.

She listens to him, mimicking his breathing as BB-8 watches from between them.  He gets the moment he needs, steeling himself against the onslaught of her emotions and thoughts.  She’s still there, but it isn’t overwhelming anymore.  He isn’t being forced to feel her blind terror and confusion mirrored back at him.

“What was that?” She asked when they’ve both retreated from the other.  

“It called to you,” he told her, “the lightsaber.  It called to you and it called to me through you.”  And it was true, the saber had called to both of them.  A legacy, a birth rite.  The vision was a warning, the past and the future spun around in one.  

“I don’t understand,” she says.  He sighs, running his hand through his hair in exasperation.

“It’s not uncommon for a saber to call to a master,” he informed her, his hand settling on the double bladed saber on his hip. “In this case, that particular lightsaber belonged to my uncle, and my grandfather before him.  It called out to you, but since it’s part of my legacy, _my_ birth rite, I was called to it as well.  The vision was meant for you.  For you to search within yourself for your _own_ birth rite.”  

She stared at him in wonder.  How had he gotten all of that information from those fleeting images inside their heads?

“Am I a Skywalker then?” She asked, remembering what he had told her about his uncle.  He looked surprised for a moment before laughing.

“I would be surprised if you were,” he told her. “Uncle Luke never had any children of his own.  That isn’t exactly something the Jedi were allowed.”  She watched him for a long moment.

“What about you?” she asked, pausing to watch a look of confusion flicker over his face.  She was so obviously too old to belong to him. “Any long-lost sisters?” She finished.  She had meant for the question to be in jest, but by the way his face darkened, his jaw clenched, and his hands formed fists by his side she guessed she had struck a nerve.

She opened her mouth to ask him about it, pushing further into the knowledge that perhaps he did have a sister, but she was cut off by air crafts entering the atmosphere.  Ben looked up, his face dissolving into fear and anger for a moment before he turned back to her.

“You need to go back,” he says, “Come on.”  He’s by her side in an instant, gripping her hand before he can stop himself.  She doesn’t protest as she had with Finn on Jakku, instead she lets him lead her and BB-8 through the thicket of trees back towards the castle.  They had come farther than he realized in his haste to escape her and the terror he felt in the wake of her vision, but he was confident they could make their way back swiftly barring any surprises.

“What’s happening?” Rey asks before she can stop herself.  He can feel fear, excitement, and curiosity from her.  But he felt something else too, an almost overwhelming darkness stretching over them.  He swallowed and pushed her on further, faster, anything to escape what he knew was coming.

He heard footsteps near them.  It could mean anything, he knew, but the feeling of fear and dread that welled up within him told a different story.  However, the footfalls were still far off enough that they could still escape, albeit narrowly.  

“Faster, Rey, _please_ ,” he begged, almost running now.  He was halfway to picking her up and carrying her.  She seemed so curious about the forest around them, almost as if she couldn’t quite sense the danger coming from the woods.  

They were almost through the trees when a blaster bolt whizzed past them and, acting on instinct he pinned Rey beneath him, shielding her with his body.  He was breathing heavy, panting against her throat, his elbows on either side of her head, pressed against a large tree.

“Are you okay?” He asked, listening for more bolts lest someone be targeting them.  When he heard no more, he focused on her, a bit shaken by her silence.  He looked down at her face to find her staring up at him, eyes wide and lips parted slightly.  He was struck, and not for the first time, by just how attractive she really was.  

From this viewpoint, he noted that she had freckles across her cheeks.  Her skin took on a golden hue, a remnant from her living in the desert all her life.  He could see grains of sand still stuck in her hair and to her skin.  Her lips were chapped, but almost the perfect shade of pink (in his opinion, but he supposed at this moment he was slightly biased).

He was leaning forward before he knew what he was doing.  He was drawn to her, the energy coming off her in waves, the way her thoughts and emotions were spinning out of control in his head.  He almost felt like a teenager again, lost in his hormones. Completely devoid of logical thought.  She doesn’t stop him, even when she sees he’s leaning closer, though her eyes are wide and curious.

It’s almost too much, he barely knows her.  Not that not knowing a woman ever stopped him before, but this was different.  She was special, and not in the romantic sense, no.  Rather, she was one of the first force sensitives he had come in contact with in years.  It wouldn’t be fair for him to take her down this path, when she didn’t know what choosing this would mean.  Not to mention they were currently in the middle of a _war zone_ and he was charged with protecting her.

“Come on,” he said, pulling away from her abruptly as BB-8 beeped an inquiry at his feet.  He had almost forgotten that the droid was still there, and that they were still running from the sick sense of dread he felt.  His hormonal moment may have cost them their lives.  He reached out with the force, suddenly worried when he could no longer pinpoint the footfalls of the person they were running from.

He started forward again as he searched, weaving in and out of the trees, keeping them within the boundaries of the forest and away from the battle for their safety.  He can see the castle just over the thicket of trees and they’re so close, but the TIE fighters were swarming, preparing for an attack.  He stopped Rey, reaching a hand out and grazing her ribs as he watched the TIE fighters fire on Maz’s fortress, damaging it beyond repair.

He starts to turn, to tell Rey and BB-8 that everything will be alright if they make it back to his father and the _Millennium Falcon_ when he feels it.  The shell of what used to be a familiar force signature.  What was once filled with light had cracked open, replacing good with darkness and fear.  He searched the forest in a frenzy.

“Ben Solo,” a distorted voice growled. He froze.  His skin crawled with the force signature of the creature that stood behind them.  Rey could feel it too, he knew from the goosebumps that were visible on her skin.

“You need to go,” he says to her and BB-8 as he whirls around to face the creature cloaked in black.  It stood tall, masked, and menacing against the forested landscape of Takodana.  To him, this creature was a ghost burning white in his mind.  He felt small, powerless against the force before him.

He turned again, shoving Rey forward, ordering BB-8 to run, knowing full well the droid could not disobey him.  What he didn’t expect was for Rey to draw the blaster at his thigh again and aim it at the creature across from them.  

“No, no!” He grapples at her, watching in terror as the blaster is easily flung from Rey’s hands and across the forest floor, followed by the sound of a lightsaber igniting.  His gaze is filled with fear as the red, gnarled beam is freed from its hilt.

“No!” He screams again, watching Rey rush for the blaster, trying to grab it before the creature brings it’s blade down onto her.  He draws his own saber and  reaches for the force, flinging the blaster farther from her grasp and away from the monster who would kill her.  His saber meets the gnarled blade before it makes contact with the girl beneath it.  Rey scrambles away, giving him a withering look as she chases the blaster he had flung from her.  The creature was upon him now, a soft cruel laugh escaping, distorted from the mask.

“You’re slipping, Ben,” the voice taunts, red blade pulling back and invading his space quickly.  His own blades were drawn to it, stuck against the pull the saber produced.  He struggled against the blows, sweat beading his forehead.  It had been too long since he had to struggle like this.  He had been able to avoid these monsters at almost every turn, but now that they had a similar interest in the droid, it had only been a matter of time.

“You’re weak and foolish, just like your father,” the voice continues, the creature slashing and pushing him farther back into the trees.  He roars at the insult, lunging and forcing his blade forward, meeting the creature’s advancements blow for blow.  He found his footing, forcing his blades to drive this monster back.  If it were unmasked, he was almost certain the face would hold surprise.  

“ _You’re_ weak,” he growled, advancing again, blue blade stabbing out in front of him, red driven towards the back as an anchor, “you’re so polluted and chaotic you don’t even remember what your weakness has wrought.”  He struggled forward, blade against blade, the pull of the red saber was distracting and troublesome. The creature in the mask was laughing at his onslaught, struggling against him now, but still pushing back.

“You know nothing about me,” the voice said, pushing forward with the force and sending him back, startled before he can stop it, “I’m not weak.  Not anymore.” It slashes out, catching him off guard and getting a hit on his chest.  He hisses, roaring in pain as he staggers back further, his eyes meeting the mask in a mix of surprise and hatred.

“B—” He starts, not above using his knowledge of the creature to put it off it’s game.

“I am Karyan Ren,” it roars, slashing again.  He meets the monster’s red blade with his own, back to struggling beneath the weight of the blows.  

“I know you by a different name,” he continues, pushing the gnarled blade back and through the air.  He twirls his saber, stabbing at _Karyan_ with his blue blade where he had left her open.  He makes contact, but it isn’t enough.  He singes the heavy black robes, the smell of burning fabric is almost disappointing.

“Karyan is the only name I have ever known,” the creature snarls, twirling away from his saber and slashing down at him again.  He jumps back from her, wincing as the activity puts pressure on his wound.  “Before this I was nothing, as you are nothing now.”

Karyan swings again, blade spinning out above them, distracting him for a split second before striking.  The vents on the side of the blade biting into his shoulder as he tries to block.  He screams in agony, Karyan shoving him back with the force, saber falling from his grip.  The creature is advancing on him before he can stand.  He grabs for his saber, fingers just barely brushing the hilt when Karyan is above him, saber in an arc descending down at him.

“I’ll finally be rid of you, once and for all!” Karyan screams, her saber was so close now as he grappled desperately for the hilt of his own.  His fear was palpable, his muscles straining, a scream of frustration tearing free from his throat.  He was going to die here in the forest, murdered by someone who had once been so-

“No!” Another voice— _Rey’s voice_ he realized—shouted.  Aiming and firing the blaster, it’s bolt hitting Karyan in the ribs and forcing her backwards, the gnarled saber falling to the forest floor and shutting off.  

“ _Stupid_ girl!” Karyan roared, forcing the blaster away from Reyand ultimately forcing her to fade to sleep.  Ben watched as Rey fell, rolling onto his side to finally reach his lightsaber that had previously been just beyond his reach.  He wasn’t surprised to see it pulled away from him, out of his reach again and into the hands of the monster who hovered over him once more.

“Carry her,” the creature ordered, holding his saber, as she fastened her own to her hip.  He glowered at her, but did as he was bid, staring warily as the blaster Rey had shot the creature with whizzed past his head and landed in Karyan’s hand.

He gathered Rey into his arms, staring down at her face with regret.  He had been unable to protect her, perhaps the monster had been right and he was weak and foolish to think that he could stand a chance against The First Order.  Karyan pressed the blaster into his back and edged him forward.  He walked, albeit slower than his usual pace, back to the ships The First Order had come here in.

“Up the ramp,” the creature ordered, pressing the blaster more insistently against him.  He continued forward, struggling up the ramp with Rey in his arms.  He absently wondered what Karyan had planned for Rey, but he was in no position to argue, not whilst he was carrying the girl at least.

Karyan motioned for a stormtrooper to take the girl from him, he tried to hold onto her, but the monster gripped him through the force, holding him still as the trooper pried Rey from his arms.  He fought against the hold, watching in horror as she was taken from him, vaguely registering that there was blood on her clothing.  His blood, he realized.  His wounds had been momentarily forgotten in his need to protect the scavenger.

The Monster’s face swam back into his vision as Karyan moved in front of him.  The ship was shaking and moving beneath them, the ramp drawing up and the door closing.  The creature removed her mask and a face similar to his own glared back at him, a cruel smile on her lips.

“A pleasure as always, _brother_ ,” she growled, voice filled with venom as she shoved him back, out of the ship.  He floundered, body freefalling, the air of Takodana whipping around him as he struggled to grip onto something, anything that would prevent him from colliding with the surface of the planet, _hard_.  

Nothing came, his body meeting the soil with a sickening _crack_ , his consciousness snuffing out like a light.

*

Rey awoke with a start, trying desperately to pull herself up from where she is currently restrained.  She lets out a small noise of protest, her arms and legs pulling roughly against the metal that holds her in some sort of strange interrogation chair.  

She reaches for Ben through the force before she can stop herself, before she even really knows what she’s doing, but he’s not there.  He’s not in the back of her head like he had been on Takodana.  She searches farther, but he’s not anywhere to be found.  It’s almost as if his presence had been snuffed out, disappearing entirely.

She’s filled with fear now, what happened to him that he wasn’t there, not even a small spark of light at the back of her mind?  Where was she?  Had that monster taken her? Had that monster killed Ben?  She looked around in fear, eyes taking in the harsh metal of the room around her.  The cold of the chair biting into her wrists and ankles as she tried to maneuver to see more of the room.

“That monster,” the same distorted voice from Takodana began, causing Rey to jump, startled, “Is standing right here.”  Had she said any of that aloud?  She couldn’t remember.

“You didn’t say anything aloud,” the voice informed her, it’s masked face finally coming into focus in front of Rey’s now squinted eyes.  Her heart thumped loudly against her ribcage.  

“Who are you?” She asked, trying to calm her breathing, to slow her heart.  Her skin prickled in fear, her chest was tight, her stomach filled with unease.  Her eyes burned with tears, her body reacting the only way it knew how to the outside stigma.

“No one you should concern yourself with scavenger,” the voice retorted harshly, “but if a name is what you seek, I’m Karyan Ren, master of the Knights of Ren, commander of The First Order.”  Rey stares at the masked creature.  She had never heard of the Knights of Ren, but The First Order.  She knew they were after the droid, the very same droid she, Ben, and Finn had been trying to bring to the Resistance.  

“Where is Ben?” She asks, earning a harsh and startled laugh from Karyan Ren.  The distorted sound of her laughter sent chills down Rey’s spine and she clenched her eyes shut tight.  He was dead, wasn’t it?  This monster had killed him.  Her only way home. The only person who even knew where she was.  She couldn’t be certain if BB-8 had completely understood the situation.  

“Another thing not to concern yourself with,” Karyan growls, circling closer to where she had Rey restrained.  For her part, the scavenger watched her with contempt.

“Don’t be afraid,” Karyan said, her voice mocking and almost sickly sweet.

“Hard not to be when you’re speaking to a monster in a mask,” Rey hissed, trembling and shying away from the creature that advanced on her.  

“This old thing?” Karyan asked, releasing the latches on the sides of the mask and pulling it over her head.  Rey gaped at her, she was human and her face was eerily familiar, almost as if she was staring at a ghost.  Her hair was pulled back in a bun that sat squished to the back of her head, before she tore the tie from it in frustration, letting her long black hair cascade down her shoulders.  She had thick pink lips and wide brown eyes with a pronounced nose that brought her face together in symmetry.  The woman looked like so much like Ben Solo, she realized.  The resemblance was almost uncanny.

“Better?” Karyan asked, tossing her hair over her shoulder.  Rey was confused by her actions, tensing more in the interrogation chair.

“What do you want from me?” Rey asked after several long moments of silence.  Karyan retreated to the other end of the room, sitting on a bench located there and crossing her legs at the knee.  Rey leaned her head forward, straining to watch the other woman.  She didn’t want Karyan out of her sight, even though she was currently restrained powerless, it felt safer to keep an eye on her.

“The droid you were with has a tidbit of a map that I find myself in need of,” Karyan responded, running her fingers through her hair, similar to the way Ben had whenever he was nervous or frustrated. Rey felt bile rising in her throat, her heart rate accelerating at the thought of Ben, something had happened to him.  Something bad.  She felt sick.

“If the droid has what you seek, why take me?” Rey asked, curiosity getting the better of her.  She needed a distraction anyways, the idea of Ben laying somewhere alone in the forests of Takodana, bleeding to death was stuck in her mind.  She shivered, trembling at the unpleasant thoughts.  Karyan was on her feet again before she answered.  She seemed restless, almost as if she were running out of time.

“Because,” she hissed, circling her, “I happen to know you’ve seen the map.”  

Rey stared at her, eyes glazing over slightly.  How could she possibly know that?  No matter, it wasn’t as if she was going to get the map out of her.  Short of reading her thoughts, there was no way to garner that type of information. The other woman read her face and her lips curled into a cruel sneer.

“I can take what I want,” Karyan said, almost amused.  Rey flinched when she felt the other woman enter her mind.  It was similar to what had happened between her and Ben, but this was more forceful.  Ben’s touch had been gentle and fleeting, he hadn’t wanted to be in her head, she realized.  He was there by accident, it wasn’t deliberate like this was.  She winces and fights against the touch.  At first she pushes irrelevant thoughts to the surface, trying desperately to shy away from Karyan’s touch on her mind.  

“I can see it, an island...is this what you imagine when you can’t sleep? Oh yes, this is what you think about.  You’re such a lonely little girl.  All those years by yourself on Jakku, waiting for your family.  You still think they’ll come back.  They aren’t coming back, girl.”  Rey felt as if she were being burned, she struggled harshly against the restraints.  The metal biting roughly into her wrists as she struggles.  She wanted nothing more than to claw Karyan Ren’s eyes out.

“Struggle all you want,” she taunted, pushing deeper without even trying, “I will find it Rey.  I always get what I want.”  

Rey glowered, pushing back at her, much in the same way she had done to send Ben spiraling from her in the forest.  She watched with almost a disturbed sense of pleasure as Karyan’s eyes widened and she stared down at Rey in shock.

“A force user,” Karyan said in a whisper.  She had suspected, especially when she had sensed some sort of bond between her and Ben Solo on Takodana.  However, she had not expected someone so strong.  This new development was both exciting and troublesome.  

“ _You’re_ lonely,” Rey said, her voice far away as she leaned up and away from the interrogation chair, craning her head towards Karyan who stood in silent terror, “Lonelier than anyone I’ve ever known,” her voice was soft, reverent, “And you’re afraid.  You’re so afraid that you’ll be perceived as weak.  That you’ll never be as strong as your _grandfather_.”  Karyan pulled away then, retreating to the other end of the room once more.  She needed to inform Supreme Leader of what had just transpired here.  

“Where are you going?” Rey asked as she watched Karyan leave the room in a hurry.  She even left her helmet behind in a bed of ashes near where Rey was restrained.  The knight didn’t answer, instead stalking down the hall, heavy boots _thunking_ against the metal floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	3. Imprisoned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia returns with the resistance for BB-8, Finn and Ben want to rescue Rey. Rey struggles with Karyan and learning about The Force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't miss this week's update doodle at http://unfinishedcomic.com - It's Karyan Ren!

Everything throbbed when he came to, the pain that plagued his body was unbearable.  He shoved it down using a Jedi technique Luke had taught him once upon a time.  He scrambled to his feet in the wake of forcing down his pain, wincing as he tried and failed to keep it down.  

Something was broken, he knew, probably several things after a fall from that height.  But he had no time to catalogue his injuries. The loud explosions emanating from the battlefield that had formed around him spurred him to action.  Rest was not a luxury he could afford at present.

His legs were shaky and uncertain as he wandered back towards where he believed the  _ Millennium Falcon _ to be.  He was disoriented, delirious, and consumed by pain.  A pain he could barely escape even using Luke’s technique to force it down and away from his body and mind.  Now pain relief meditation was just another useless Jedi trick he vaguely remembered how to perform.  

He needed to find his father and Chewbacca.  He couldn’t wander around the battlefield forever.  He was an easy target with little armor, no weapon, and the heavy injuries he had sustained.  His only saving grace at this moment was that the ground troopers had their hands full with the resistance airstrike, but it wouldn’t keep them occupied forever.  Not to mention he needed to warn his father and uncle of B— _ Karyan’s _ involvement it what was happening here.  Of what she had done to him and what she had done with Rey.

The ground shook beneath him, explosions that rattled him down to his bones.  The air strikes continued, but now the resistance was on the ground as well.  He saw storm troopers battling against the resistance troops and what was left of the people from Maz’s castle.  He struggled along between them, unarmed and desperately trying to get away from where he could be injured further.  If the resistance was here then he could get help, if only he could make it to one of their shuttles before they make their escape from Takodana.  

The chaos around him didn’t do much to prevent him from feeling his pain.  If anything it made him feel it deeper and more profound than he would have if he could concentrate on something other than his fear.  He felt so out of place, naked without his saber, and without his backup blaster.  He was in no condition for hand to hand combat, he knew.  If he could just find his father, this whole situation could be remedied.  

Bolts from blasters whizzed past him as he tried to move at a quick pace and stay out of the way of any ongoing battles.  Nothing had hit him yet and he thanked his lucky stars for that.  He had usually been lucky, especially when it came to escaping with his life.  

“Traitor!” He heard someone yell from a few feet away, and he turned his head to see the  **_non_ ** -resistance companion of Rey falter in step.  The other man, Finn, whirled around to the stormtrooper who had addressed him, and Ben watched as he lifted  _ his _ grand father’s lightsaber and ignited the blade.  

He almost cried out upon seeing Finn.  He would have to teach him proper lightsaber techniques later, he noted, as he took in the way he struggled against the storm trooper’s riot baton. He let his gaze wander for a moment, searching for his father and Chewbacca, as they would hopefully be near Finn.

He spotted them several feet away in cover and sighed in relief.  The two of them stood back-to-back, firing at storm troopers.  And despite Finn’s lack of proper training with a saber, the three of them seemed to be holding their ground without much struggle.  

He moved faster, if it were possible in his state, towards his father and his uncle.  The two of them were watching Finn battle against the trooper, both of them firing wildly to drive the other storm troopers back and away from their corner of the battlefield. His father still had the bowcaster, he realized, leaving Chewbacca with his backup weapon, though the Wookie didn’t seem to mind.  The two of them worked in harmony as they always had.  

The closer he got, the more Finn seemed to struggle in his fight.  Under normal circumstances he may have wondered what had transpired between Finn and the stormtrooper he was fighting, but currently the only thing he could think about was getting to his father.  He didn’t want to be left in the open any longer, an easy target for these ruthless First Order operatives to slaughter.

Finn was on the ground, beneath the other storm trooper who swung its weapon around like a person deranged.  His father was out of cover in an instant, rushing to Finn’s rescue and firing the bowcaster directly at the troopers center of gravity.  Ben was lost in his own pain again as he watched, a blaster bolt grazing his arm as he whirled around, a roar escaping his throat as he fell.  

It was fun while it had lasted, he supposed.  It was only a matter of time before he would have been hit anyways.  In all actuality, he’d lasted longer than he thought he would.

He heard the panicked roar of Chewbacca in his ears as the Wookie finally spotted him.  He could hear his father and Finn’s voices laced with concern as they all drew closer.  He struggled to keep himself conscious, reaching for his father desperately as he heard a ship land nearby. 

The ground shook beneath him again, as the ship made contact to land.  It would seem much of the battle was already over, there were still explosions, but they were far off now.  He trembled on the ground, the pain in his body subsiding and fading into shock.  He didn’t have a lot of time left.

He heard the  _ hiss _ of the nearby ship’s doors opening and the footfalls of troops heading into the fray.  His father looked up and away from him, his breath caught in his chest as he stared at something not-so-far off.  Ben struggled against the blackness that swam on the edges of his vision.  

“Leia,” his father said, almost breathless as Ben gripped at his hands.   _ Leia _ . His mother? His mother was here?  His head was spinning, pulse pounding in his ears.  He wondered if he would die here, forcing his eyes to stay open as he watched his father’s face contort in several different emotions.  Then, he found himself staring into the eyes of General Leia Organa.  Eyes that looked so much like his own.

“Mother,” he croaked out, body still trembling wildly.  She looked sad, almost pained to see him in such a state.  She gripped one of his hands in hers as he struggled to speak to her.  The pain was almost a distant memory now.  He was suddenly cold, why was he so cold?  

“Ben,” his mother whispered, her fingers brushing lightly against his face.  Her own face twisted from anguish to fear, she looked terrified for him and he felt bad for her.  After all these years, he imagined this was not how she wanted to be reunited with her estranged son and husband.  He felt even worse when he saw her pull her hand back slowly, and saw his blood staining her fingertips.

He watched her hand tremble slightly for a moment before she lowered it back to his chest, using both her hands to grip one of his own.  His father held his other hand, the two of them exchanging sorrowful glances at the state of their son.

“I saw her,” he said in a panicked whisper, he needed to say this, to warn them before the blackness overcame his vision and he passed out, “she was here.”  Leia looked confused for a moment before he continued, straining against the sudden weight in his chest, “Bea.  My sister.  She took Rey.”  

He realized that name would mean nothing to his mother right now, but the girl definitely meant something to him.  She was strong in the force, untrained, but so much stronger than she knew.  If The First Order got their claws into her, if Karyan swayed her to the darkness, she would be a force to be reckoned with.  

“We have to save her,” Ben and Finn pleaded at the same time.  Leia looked at Han for guidance, and he searched her eyes for a moment before shrugging gently.  Neither one of them understood the gravity of this situation, his father may have suspected that there was something within Rey, but he had never been one to understand The Force.  His mother would understand.

“Please,” Ben choked out. “She’s strong in the force.”  His throat felt like it was being crushed, like the air was being forced out of his lungs.  He could no longer keep his eyes open, the blackness overcoming his ability to see.  His eyes stung with the effort of continuing to look at his mother’s face, her expression dissolving into surprise before he can no longer look at her.

“Are you certain?” Leia asked, trying to confirm that this woman was indeed a force user.

“Yes,” Ben said, his voice strained.  Breathing was becoming increasingly difficult, his body was almost warm now.  He could feel himself becoming more relaxed, letting himself fade away.  He can no longer form coherent thoughts.  

“She’s in my head,” he breathed, “and she’s beautiful.”

“Ben?” His mother tried, gripping his shoulder to pull him back to them, but all he can do his force a pained smile and allow himself to slip away into the darkness.  

*

She had used a mind trick, she realized as she found herself freed from the restraints Karyan had left her in.  It had taken her a few tries to get it right, but ultimately the stormtrooper bent to her will and she was freed from her restraints.  Now she was free to escape, or at the very least explore the base she was being held prisoner at.  The entire place was a maze, she didn’t think she had ever been inside a building so large in her life.  There was no way she would ever be able to find any sort of exit. 

Every turn led to a number of hallways, all unfamiliar and seemingly endless.  It was eerily quiet, with no one in sight.  She hadn’t run into anyone since she left the interrogation room, something about this felt wrong. She shook it off, but it still weighed heavily in the back of her mind.

She wondered what would happen if someone were to find her in one of these endless hallways.  She decided that it wouldn’t matter much if she had been discovered, force suggestion—a phrase she had never once uttered in her life, but somehow knew was the correct way to describe what she had done—seemed to come easily to her.  Somehow she didn’t find that fact very surprising. It was as if something or someone was guiding her, leading her through the force.  It made her uneasy.

“You’ve escaped, I see,” a cruel voice said from behind her, echoing through the dark corridor.   She stopped suddenly, hair on the back of her neck standing up.  The distortion from the mask Karyan wore had made her uneasy, but now without it, Rey thought she sounded even more terrifying.  Before, she had been able to write Karyan off as a monster, but now she was so  _ human _ .  

Rey immediately tried to run, fear tugging at her, bringing out her base instincts to flee from her captor.  But now there was no escape.  Her body being held against her will and no matter how much she struggled the monster held her fast.  She took in a startled, shaky breath, Karyan was strong.  

“Tell me,” Karyan began, circling around to the front of Rey, her maskless face coming into view. “how did a little scavenger like you become so strong in the force?”  She was untrained, of course, but she was still strong.  Rey didn’t answer, pushing against the invisible restraints, trying desperately to break free.

“Oh, by all means scavenger, struggle,” Karyan watched her, circling like a Ganjunko stalking it’s prey.  “You won’t escape me, because no matter how strong you think you are,  _ I’m stronger _ .”  

Rey screamed in frustration as she finally tore free from the force hold and whirled to face Karyan.  Rey lunged forward at the other woman, using her momentary surprise as leverage to grab at Ben’s saber that was still being held on the sash at her hip. Karyan’s face showed fury and surprise before she schooled her features to stare at Rey almost coldly, trying her best to look impassive and apathetic at the scene unfolding before her.

“ _ Careful _ scavenger,” Karyan chastised, finally regaining her composure after several long moments of stunned silence.  She sounded almost afraid as Rey eyed the saber in her hand, but her expression gave away nothing, her eyes cold and unfeeling. “Do you even know how to use one of those?  Wouldn’t want you to take your hand off, would we?”  

Rey growled at her, feeling the saber staff in her hand.  It was light and pleasant, almost as if it were singing against her skin.  She didn’t know how to exactly describe the feeling, but it was almost similar to how she felt on Takodana when she had touched Ben’s Grandfather’s saber, but still somehow entirely different. 

She flicked the button on the side suddenly, watching in awe at the saber came to life in her hand.  The blue and red blades cast an eerie glow over both her and Karyan.  She smiled almost cruelly at the monster who stood across from her, her own saber still sheathed at her hip.  Karyan was silent for a long moment, watching Rey in silence, sizing her up for the inevitable battle the two of them would have.  

She let the silence draw out, the hum of Ben’s lightsaber and their breathing the only sounds between them.  Then she reached for her own blade, drawing it and igniting it with a  _ woosh _ of energy.  Rey could feel the air change around them, almost as if she could sense the destruction Karyan’s gnarled blade had wrought.  It was an uneasy feeling, but Rey tried to shake it off as best she could, eyes narrowing as Karyan fell into a fighting stance.

“Come on then,” Karyan finally taunted, breaking the silence that stretched between them.  She raised her blade above her head and twirled it with ease. “Fight me, if you’re able.”

Rey stared at her, raising Ben’s double bladed saber between them.  She had seen Ben fight with it and knew it was somewhat similar to how she used her staff in battle.  Though now there was also the added benefit of losing a limb if she so much as touched the beams of plasma emanating from either end of the saber.  She steeled herself against the fear that she would become dismembered and tried to prepare herself for this strange, but somehow inevitable battle.

“Fight me!” Karyan screamed, growing impatient with Rey’s preparations.  Rey tensed, almost jumping at the harsh sound of the other woman’s voice.  She watched in fear as Karyan raised her blade again and brought it down in an arc over her head, meaning to strike Rey’s shoulder.  Rey struggled to block her, Karyan’s saber hitting against Ben’s and dragging the blue blade down with it.  

Rey let out a shout of surprise and frustration, feeling the way Karyan’s blade almost stuck against Ben’s, pulling it as if the two were glued together.  She jumped back to free the saber staff from the red gnarled blade and twirled it between her and Karyan. The monster evaded her attack almost effortlessly, waiting a beat before she advanced on her further, twirling and swinging and stabbing.  The gnarled red blade twisted and twirled between them, sparks and light filling the corridor.  Rey was almost struck by how beautiful Karyan fought before she remembered the woman was trying her best to kill her.

“I’m not trying to kill you, Rey,” Karyan admitted with a low hissing chuckle. “And I’m almost appalled you think this is me trying my best.  If I didn’t absolutely need you alive, I would show you what I can  _ really _ do.”

Rey looked shocked, struggling against Karyan’s blade as the other woman pushed it against the blue blade of Ben’s saber.  She needed her alive?  For what reason?  

“Why do you need me alive?” she asked curiosity getting the better of her before she could bite her tongue.  Karyan jumped back, advancing on her again from a different angle to throw Rey off.  Karyan swung her saber between them, the red light almost hypnotizing.  Rey blocked it with extreme effort, sending violet sparks flying between the two of them.  She was  trying desperately to keep Karyan back and out of her space.

“I can teach you the ways of the force,” Karyan said, her saber colliding with Ben’s, her unmasked face inches away from Rey’s own.  She sounded so sure of herself, eyes dancing with promise as she pushed against her, “I can teach you the ways of the dark side.  All you have to do is say yes.” 

“ _ Never _ !” Rey screamed, pushing hard against Karyan and forcing her back.  The woman moved back slightly and laughed.  In Rey’s haste to force Karyan back she had foolishly left herself open for an attack.  The monster before her twirled her saber down and around, hitting Rey in the hip with ease.  She cried out in pain, attempting and failing to brandish Ben’s saber against her assailant.  

Karyan reached out then, gripping the hilt in Rey’s hands and deactivating her brother’s saber as Rey floundered.  All it took was a touch of her fingertips against the activation switch.  Rey continued to struggle, despite herself, but Karyan forced her down to her knees with a swift kick.  Rey glared up at her, eyes filled with rage.

“Oh we’ll see about that, little one.”  

Rey’s gaze turned from one of rage and defiance to one filled with fear, as Karyan held her gnarled blade next to Rey’s throat.  The monster’s lips curved slightly upwards at her victory, relishing in the way Rey feared her.  Rey’s heart pounded in her ears, nearly drowning out the buzz of the saber next to her skin.  The heat from the blade was almost scorching as Karyan moved it as closely as she could to the exposed skin of her throat. 

“We have plans for you yet.”  Karyan waved her hand, pushing for Rey to succumb to her suggestion once more.  Rey was too tired, too filled with fear to listen to the presence trying to guide her.  She felt the tug of sleep and the need to forget as she began to fade away as she had on Takodana.  

“That’s it, scavenger,” Karyan insisted, “you  _ will _ forget everything that happened here, and you  _ will _ go back to sleep.”  Rey was lost again, the command weighing heavily on her psyche as she doubled over at her waist dropped the rest of the way to the metal floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Social Media:  
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> Twitter: http://twitter.com/diaryofphasma  
> Webcomic: http://unfinishedcomic.com  
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> SoundCloud for BadFic and Kylo Ren Sings: http://badfic.space


	4. Conditioned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn had reservations about the resistance and her finds Poe again. Karyan and Rey get better acquainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week's doodle is D'Qar: http://unfinishedcomic.com/

Finn wanted nothing more than to escape this fight.  He had _been_ with The First Order, he had seen what they did to people.  He wanted no part of this, he didn’t leave the order and lose Poe Dameron to find himself sitting on a resistance shuttle with Han Solo, General Organa, and their dying son.  

Hearing the General’s broken sobs as she held him all the way back to D’Qar was unsettling.  He had never seen someone so broken up over a death.  He had, of course, left The First Order after one of his squad had died on Jakku, but the way General Organa and Han Solo were both acting, he could have sworn a part of them had died with their son.  

He should have ridden to D’Qar in the _Millennium Falcon_ with Chewbacca and Maz, he realized. Even being a third wheel to whatever strange relationship the two of them had would have been preferable to the scene before him..

Near him BB-8 beeped at his feet and he stared at the droid for a moment, thankful for something to distract him from what was going on aboard the shuttle.  The droid was concerned for Ben as well, but there was nothing anyone could do.  He didn’t think he had ever seen someone sustain so many injuries and survive.  It was obvious that Ben Solo was strong, even by his standards (and he had served under Captain Phasma), but there was no coming back from that.

Ben’s skin was caked in dried blood and covered with numerous black, blue, and purple bruises.  His long hair clung to his face, drenched in sweat.  His white shirt was a sickly brown color from the blood that leaked from his shoulder and chest.  Whoever had done this to him had planned to kill him.  He had no doubt in his mind that this was the work of someone high up in The First Order, possibly even Karyan Ren herself.  

But Ben had named his assailant as “Bea”, his _sister_ , the woman who had taken Rey back to The First Order.  That confused him.  Most of the people in The First Order didn’t have names, most of the ones he knew that is.  They had IDs, designations, much like his own before Poe Dameron had named him Finn.  

The shuttle ride was one of the longest he had ever taken, by the time they arrived on D’Qar, Finn wanted nothing more than to leave the entire base behind and head to the outer rim.  He had only come back with them because where else did he have to go if he wanted to get Rey back?  Those men Maz had introduced him to after Rey and Ben disappeared into the forest would never have been on his side, especially against The First Order. And he knew there was no way he could do this on his own.  

General Organa and Han Solo were bound by their dying son’s last wish that they save her.  He felt a pang of irritation at that, the fact that Ben had somehow found a connection with Rey instantly, but perhaps something good had come out of Ben and Rey’s strange connection through The Force.  At first it had been an obstacle for him to overcome, but now it seemed it would get him what he wanted.  

Finn stayed on board the shuttle as he watched the medical droids come, gather Ben Solo from his parents, and take him away on a stretcher.  The General and Han followed after the droids, heads bowed, expressions broken.  

Finn felt for them, he did, but he didn’t know what to say.  Death in The First Order had always been overlooked, ignored, it was considered a weakness if you _cared_. The resistance was not The First Order, but he still didn’t know the proper procedure for grief.

When he and BB-8 finally exited the shuttle, after they had waited for several long moments in silence for the grieving family to pass, he was surprised when the droid nearly ran him over.  He yelped, stumbling a bit as BB-8 sped off in the directions of the X-Wings.

“Hey!” He shouted at the droid, exasperated for a moment as he rubbed the back of his calf where BB-8 had slammed into him.  However, when his gaze followed the line the droid had taken, he found himself staring at the smiling face of one Poe Dameron.  The same man he had freed from The First Order and thought he lost on Jakku when they were returning for BB-8.

“BB-8!” The Pilot shouted, dropping to his knees to haphazardly embrace the rounded body of the droid.  BB-8 beeped and trilled happily while Finn just stood there looking like a total idiot staring at the two of them in awe.  

He felt dread rising up in his stomach.  He had never found his body on Jakku.  His chest felt tight as he stared at the people around them.  This couldn’t be real.  He never found Poe’s body.

His breathing quickened.  This was a trick from The First Order, it had to be.  It wasn’t unlike them to use something like this to recondition the storm troopers who didn’t perform as they wanted them to.   _Of course_ they would use Poe and BB-8, but what about Rey?  Where did she fit into all of this?  

His feet were moving before he had finished his thoughts.  He was walking swiftly at first, but then he was running.  Poe stood up from BB-8 and laughed, his face splitting into an award-winning smile when he saw him.  And in that moment Finn didn’t care if it was a trick so long as he could see that smile for the rest of his life.  

Poe opened his arms wide, embracing Finn and laughing again in his ear.  And Finn knew he would remember that sound for as long as he existed.

“You made it!” Poe said, pulling away and staring at him and the same time Finn said, “I thought you were dead!” Poe hugged him again after that, and Finn had never felt more at home.

“Isn’t that my jacket?” Poe asked after the second time he pulled away.  Finn let out a breath and hastily tried to remove it, stopping only when Poe tugged it back onto him in one swift motion.

“No,” Poe said, smirking at him and biting his lip, “You keep it.  It looks great on you.”  Finn’s heart was hammering in his chest, but he managed to smile back at Poe, trying desperately to control his breathing. 

“I’m sorry I left you,” Finn blurted suddenly and Poe frowned, clapping his hand on Finn’s shoulder.

“I was hard to find,” Poe informed him, “halfway obstructed by sand and by the wreckage.  You did nothing wrong, Finn.”  

“Still, I should have looked harder,” Finn sighed. He was ashamed of himself, leaving Poe on that planet, the same planet where he had been taken and then brutally interrogated by The First Order.  

“When I woke up I was half crazy and nearly dying of thirst,” Poe told him and Finn’s frown deepened when he realized he had left him in such a compromising position, “I can only imagine you were going through something similar,” he paused again to squeeze Finn’s shoulders reassuringly, “I didn’t search too hard for you either.”  

Finn felt some relief at that, but the guilt still nagged at him.  

* * *

If this was a trick planted by The First Order to use as reconditioning, it was a thorough one.  Finn had been in an out of resistance meetings making dedicated plans to save Rey with Poe Dameron at his side.  

After he had admitted his previous affiliation with The First Order as the stormtrooper who rescued Poe, he had been introduced to several high ranking members of the resistance that required _his_ help with The First Order.  They were even more than willing to aid him in his plan to rescue Rey from the clutches of Karyan Ren, so long as he was willing to help them with information and First Order tactics.  

He had several meetings with General Organa and Han Solo as well, who were both interested in fulfilling their son’s dying wish.  With almost every meeting, however, the general was becoming more and more pale and aloof.  She looked sicker and sicker every time that he saw her, towards the end of their plotting to rescue Rey she could hardly stand up straight.  Still, Finn did not question her, nor did he say anything when Han had to help her walk around the base.  

“Does General Organa seem unwell to you?” Poe asked one evening over their night time meal in the mess hall.  Finn tensed next to him, uncertain of how to answer.  In The First Order they were never allowed to discuss their leaders in this manner.  It didn’t matter if they were unwell, so long as they performed their duties and the general had been doing just that.

“I don’t know how to answer that question,” Finn responded honestly.  He and Poe had several discussions recently about his inability to communicate clearly, so Finn had been trying his best to articulate to Poe how little he truly understood this sort of environment.  

He knew how to be a soldier, he knew how to have compassion, but he didn’t want to be viewed as broken or useless by the resistance.  He honestly thought he may have blown it when he had also requested they rescue Rey, but they seemed to need him.

“It’s a simple question, Finn,” Poe said with a nervous laugh, “It’s alright to be concerned. With the loss of her son, perhaps she just hasn’t been getting enough rest.”  This conversation made Finn uneasy.  He opened his mouth to say so, but he was interrupted by someone running into the mess hall and screaming about a light in the sky.

Then everyone was running, making their way outside to watch the lights head towards their allied planets.  He knew what planets they were from his time in the trooper academy.  It was the republic, they had finally utilized their weapon on _Starkiller_ to take out the resistance planets.  He had always thought that weapon was a myth.

“ _Starkiller_ ,” he whispered in awe as everyone watched in horror while their allied planets were decimated by The First Order.  

Finn was halfway across the base before he realized Poe was following him.  He needed to see General Organa.  If this superweapon wasn’t just a rumor on the base then he knew D’Qar would be their next target once it recharged in 3 days time.  

“Finn, wait up!” Poe called after him, reaching out to grab his hand.  Finn gripped his hand back in return, pulling him along behind in much in same way he had with Rey on Jakku. He didn’t stop until the two of them stood outside of General Organa’s office, no matter how many times Poe tried to pull him back or address him.

“General?” Finn called, knocking on the door, no one answered, “General?” he called again, banging harder.  Next to him, Poe looked almost mortified, but didn’t move as the younger man held his hand tight, still pounding on the general’s office door.  

“I don’t think she’s in there Finn,” Poe said after a few moments of letting the ex-stormtrooper embarrassingly bang on her door.  Perhaps she was outside with everyone else watching the attack, mourning their relatives on the republic’s planets.  The idea that General Organa would need to mourn more people twisted Finn’s stomach.

“Where is she then, Poe?” Finn asked, almost frantically.  He needed to speak with her, to warn her, lest the resistance fall to the super weapon The First Order had built.  

“I’m not her keeper, Finn,” Poe said calmly, “I don’t always know where she is.”  Finn stared at him for a moment, almost skeptical.  

“It’s important that I find her, _now_ ,” Finn said, voice strained.  Poe’s forehead creased when Finn squeezed his hand a little too hard, trying desperately to get the other man to understand his urgency.  

“Is this about your friend, Finn?  Because I assure you she wasn’t on any one of those planets,” Poe explained, trailing off when he saw Finn’s face contorting in several emotions.  

“No, this isn’t about Rey, it’s about _Starkiller_ ,” Finn said, releasing Poe’s hand to clench his fists at his sides for a moment before waving them wildly between himself and Poe.  He needed to be able to drive his point home as he told the pilot about the superweapon The First Order had built.  

“I thought it was a rumor, something The First Order made up as more propaganda, but they _really_ have a weapon that can destroy planets and I know where it is Poe!  It’s the same place they’re holding Rey.”

Poe stared at him, a stunned silence passing between them.  

“You knew about the weapon?” General Organa asked from behind them.  Finn turned around to look at her, a protest on his lips before he took her in.  She was so pale she almost looked grey, her face was covered in sweat, and her normally impeccable hair was disheveled.  She practically clung to the wall, her breathing labored as she waited to Finn to explain himself.

“General are you alright?” Poe asked before Finn could even think of speaking.  The pilot was by her side in an instant, but the general waved him off in favor of hearing a report from Finn.  

“You _knew_ about the weapon?” she asked again and Finn nodded.

“I thought it was a rumor,” he informed her, “some sort of twisted form of propaganda, I never thought they had actually built something so powerful or I would have said,” he continued, the sick feeling in his stomach returning, “I’m so sorry General, this is all my fault.”

“It most certainly is not,” General Organa said at the same time Poe groused, “Will you quit blaming yourself for _everything_?”

“You had no way of knowing it was real,” General Organa said to him, moving to press her back fully against the wall instead of leaning against her shoulder.  She sighed, letting her head fall back against the wall with a soft _thump_.

“They’re going to target D’Qar next, General,” Finn informed her.  She breathed another sigh and slumped further into the wall.  

“Of course they are,” she said, her voice small and resigned.

“We need to infiltrate _Starkiller_ , General,” Finn pressed, “We already have a plan in place to rescue Rey from there, with some modifications we can also destroy their weapon and protect D’Qar. I can lower the shields on the base.  We need to leave as soon as possible.”

“We still need more time,” the general said, bristling.  Finn watched her for a long moment, wondering if now was the time to question the authority of the resistance.  They only had 3 days before the weapon would be recharged and ready to destroy them.  The First Order would not hesitate to take them out.

“With all due respect, General,” Finn began, only to be cut off by a wave of General Organa’s hand.

“I know what you’re going to say, Finn, and I’m telling you that we need more time.”  Finn bit his tongue and nodded at her, lowering his gaze to the ground.

“Yes, General,” Finn responded, voice strained, before turning around and walking away.  Poe lingered behind for a moment, looking torn between following after Finn to ensure that he was alright and helping the ailing general the rest of the way to her office.

“Go with him, Dameron,” Leia said with a grimace, finishing her command with “That’s an _order_ ,” before he could protest.  

Poe lingered a moment longer, still looking as if he were about to contest her command.  She narrowed her eyes at him, ready and willing to scold him for not following her orders.  He frowned at her, still looking conflicted as he made his way after the ex-stormtrooper.

Leia sighed dejectedly in his absence, wincing as she slumped against the wall and let herself slide all the way down to the ground.

* * *

It had been several days since Rey had woken up on The First Order base.  Four days since she had been strapped unceremoniously in a metal interrogation chair with Karyan Ren watching her intently from a bench on the other end of the room.  It was unsettling to wake up that way, but perhaps even more unsettling to be confined in the same quarters as the woman.  

For the past four days she had endured interrogation and Karyan’s constant attempt to corrupt her, to sway her to the dark side.  The woman was deluded if she thought Rey would be swayed by her attempts at torturing her through the force.  For all her attempts, Rey knew she could not hurt her too much or push her too hard, lest she break her and she become useless to the cause.

Rey fought her at every turn, going so far as to not sleep in the room they were confined in together.  Instead she watched Karyan Ren through the night, skeptical that the other woman actually slept.  She also refused food and she refused water at first, but gave in to her thirst sometime around the second day.

Now, four days later Rey was exhausted, hungry, and terrified she would slip up and allow Karyan entry into her mind.  

When Karyan awoke, Rey narrowed her eyes at her.  She was a sight to behold, she knew.  She could feel the weight of her eyelids.  They were heavy with the need to sleep, but she still refused.  Karyan stared at her for a long time, dark hair pressed to her face from sleep.

“You need to sleep, scavenger,” Karyan said after a long silence, “You can use my bed if you’d like, I’ll be gone for hours.  I’ve been foregoing training for too long in favor of trying to sway you, but I need to train.”  Rey said nothing, watching her with contempt.

“I’m serious,” Karyan said, “You need to rest. And you _need_ to eat.”  She seemed almost concerned, but Rey knew it was because she needed to keep her alive.

“I don’t _need_ to do anything,” Rey said, squeezing her fists at her sides.  She was shivering now, her body temperature had dropped, trying to force her to sleep, but she refused to listen to the biological calling.  Karyan sighed, waving her hand and giving up.

“Suit yourself,” She responded, “Perhaps if you die of your own stupidity Supreme Leader would understand.”  Rey huffed and turned away from Karyan then.

“This isn’t the first time I’ve gone without food or sleep,” She muttered.  Karyan said nothing to that as she made her way into the fresher inside of her quarters to prepare for the day.  Once she was ready and dressed in her normal heavy black robes, a droid brought food and Karyan settled down to eat.  

“Eat with me Rey,” Karyan commanded, as she did every morning.  Rey, stubborn as ever, refused to move from the place she had made for herself in the corner of the room.  Karyan’s nostrils flared in annoyance as she bid Rey to come to her side again.  Still, the scavenger refused, going so far as to cross her arms over her chest defiantly.

“I am _ordering_ you to eat with me, _scavenger_ ,” Karyan hissed, watching as Rey continued to ignore her orders.  She was not used to this kind of blatant defiance, most of the troops and officers in the order feared her.  

“Your orders won’t work on me,” Rey responded with a shaky breath, “I’m not one of your subordinates.”  Karyan screamed, slamming her fist down on the table and sending several food items flying across the room.  Rey tensed, jumping slightly at the harsh sound.  She half expected Karyan to draw her saber and slice the table in two as she had a few days prior.

Instead she felt the pressure of the force on her throat, pulling her into a standing position as Karyan choked her.  Rey gasped for breath and grappled at the invisible fingers at her throat.  Karyan glared at her, standing from the table, her hand raised as she invaded Rey’s space.

“This is not how to get me to eat,” Rey croaked out, her eyes burning, the pressure on her throat intensifying as Karyan stalked closer to her.  Rey let out miserable choking and gagging sounds, her lungs were burning, her legs unstable beneath her, but still the monster her held her there.

“You will do as I say,” Karyan warned her, replacing the phantom fingers on Rey’s throat with her own when she was close enough to touch her.  The hold she had on her lessened and Rey desperately tried to catch her breath.  

“No,” Rey said miserably, trying to push away from the wall and escape Karyan’s grasp.  She pushed her back against the wall with little effort and held her there, one hand squeezing her throat.  Rey’s fingers dug into Karyan’s gloves, trying desperately to pull her hand away and escape.

“You’re so weak,” She said, pushing harder against her throat.  Rey watched in fear as Karyan’s eyes raked over her.  There was a hunger there, a lust for killing that unsettled her.  Karyan was barely holding back her _need_ to murder her.

Rey flinched when Karyan brought up her other hand, fearing she was going to harm her.  However, Rey saw that Karyan was holding some sort of sweet bread in her grasp.

“Eat,” Karyan commanded, “If I were going to kill you, it wouldn’t be with poison.”  Rey shook her head wordlessly, eyes narrowing into slits.  She didn’t trust this woman, and why should she?  At every turn she was doing her best to cause Rey constant pain and torment.

“No,” Rey spat in her face in one last act of defiance.  She hoped Karyan would throw her to the ground and retreat from her at the action, but instead she pushed against Rey’s throat harder, the heel of her hand pressing against her collarbone.  Rey felt it pop and snap beneath the force of Karyan’s blow.  Searing pain filled her body, the air being sucked out of her lungs.  Karyan’s frustrated scream drowned out her sharp yelp of pain.

She shoved the bread against Rey’s parted lips, smashing it into her gritted teeth.  Rey struggled, the pain in her chest sending chills down her spine.  Her right arm hung limp by her side, useless with her bone broken.  She tried to shove Karyan away with her other arm, but the monster held her still, continuing to press the bread harshly against her mouth.

“No!” Rey begged, the pain was too much, “ _Please_ , I don’t want to.”  She met Karyan’s eyes then and saw something she never expected to see there: _fear_. The other woman released her at once, watching as Rey sank to her knees, gripping at her chest.

Karyan was silent for a long time after that.  Rey’s face was covered in crumbs and sticky icing from the sweet bread.  Her hair was disheveled, her eyes clenched shut from the pain she had caused her.  She was gasping for breath, wincing every time she drew oxygen into her lungs.  

She felt for her, she felt _regret_ at what she had done.  It burned her cheeks with shame, fueling the rage that was building her in her chest.  It was disgusting, these emotions overcoming her.  She shouldn’t feel something like this for someone so far beneath her.  This weak-willed little girl was nothing more than a scavenger from a desert planet that she needed information from.  What did it matter to her how she got that information?  Breaking a few bones was nothing compared to what she had done in the past.

“I’ll send a medical droid,” Karyan said finally, picking up her helmet and walking past Rey to the door, “Perhaps it’s time for me to be feeding you through a tube.”  Rey whimpered in protest, but Karyan ignored her, slipping the helmet over her head and continuing out into the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Social Media:  
> Tumblr: http://kylawren.tumblr.com  
> Twitter: http://twitter.com/diaryofphasma  
> Webcomic: http://unfinishedcomic.com  
> DeviantART: http://kylowren.deviantart.com  
> BadFic & Kylo Ren Sings: http://badfic.space


	5. Submission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets treatment for her broken bone. Karyan attempts training and may also slash a wall.

When the medical droid finally arrived, Rey was laying on Karyan’s bed.  Pain washed over her in waves, pulsing and stabbing in her chest.  

This wasn’t the first time she had ever broken a bone, there were several ways young girls could find themselves injured on Jakku.  However, this time felt different, her skin was on fire, burning from the pressure of Karyan’s hand.  Her head felt light, almost as if it were filled with static.  The break combined with the humiliation of Karyan forcing her to eat took it’s toll.  

Rey replayed the way she had to beg for her to stop over and over again in her head.  Her eyes burned, her nostrils flaring at the discomfort of her tears.  They slipped from her eyes, falling backwards, trailing her temples, and falling in her hair.  She had never felt more humiliated in her entire life.  

Rey reached her good hand up, rubbing at her eyes when she heard the droid approach.

The droid said nothing as it wheeled to the side of the bed and began to treat her.  She had seen several of the droids here for numerous injuries inflicted by Karyan over the course of the past four days.  None of them this severe, most of them were simple cuts, burns, and bruising.  

Whenever Karyan would go on one of her rampages or throw a fit, she would lose sight of anything but her anger.  At first Rey had found it terrifying, but now she saw it for what it was.  Karyan was afraid.  She was afraid, and she didn’t know how to handle her own emotional turmoil.  Rey felt  _ pity _ for her.

“You have not slept in 4 cycles,” the droid said breaking the silence between them.  

Rey tensed slightly at the sudden mechanical sound of the droid’s voice.  It had been silent for so long that she thought it would have remained so for the duration of their time together.  However, since the droid had spoken, Rey thought it’s tone sounded a little accusatory.

She snorted, but said nothing in return to the accusation.  Instead she averted her eyes away from the shiny black metal of the droid’s face in order to stare at the wall on the other side of Karyan’s bed.  

She felt the prick of a needle enter her upper arm suddenly and she jerked slightly, cold liquid rushing into her veins.  She winced at her sudden movement, her bones shifting and moving beneath her skin.  That had been unexpected.

“What  _ was  _ that?” She asked, startled.  She looked back over to the droid, watching as it disposed of a tiny syringe that still contained a miniscule amount of clear liquid inside of it.  Usually the medical droids didn’t do anything without first informing her of what procedure they were going to perform.  The other droids had  _ always  _ warned her, they  _ had _ to.  It was part of their original programming.  Unless...someone high up had overridden the droid’s essential programming and ordered it not to.

“You have not slept in 4 cycles,” the droid repeated simply.  She stared at it’s expressionless face, eyebrows raised in confusion.  The droid ignored her, setting her collarbone in one swift motion, making her jump in surprise.  Then the droid injected her again at the site of the break with a blue colored liquid—in a much larger syringe—this time.  

She gasped at the feeling, her bones burning beneath her skin.  She tried to move away from the needle, but the droid held her down with it’s free hand.  Rey’s chest erupted with a pain so intense she saw stars dance before her eyes.  The two broken ends of her bone felt like they were being magnetized towards each other, trying to knit together.  

“You couldn’t have given me something for the pain?” Rey croaked, wincing.

“It would have reacted poorly with the medication I was ordered to give you,” the droid responded.  It took all of Rey’s effort not to tense at the droid’s words.  It’s emotionless mechanical voice shook her to her core.  It had just injected her with something  _ unknown _ on orders from Karyan Ren.  Her body felt heavy, like lead. 

“What medication?” Rey asked, tears returning to burn at the corner of her eyes.  Her bones ground together, pain shooting through her chest again and across her shoulders.  She whimpered at the sensation, terror flowing through her when the pain began to fade slowly.  It was replaced by a feeling of  _ emptiness _ , a vacuum that swallowed the feeling in her entire body.

The droid said nothing in response to her query, fitting her with a complicated sling that compressed her chest and made her feel even more uneasy.  

“Tell me,” She tried to scream, but her voice sounded weak and far away.  Her whole body felt warm and heavy.  She felt a sudden overwhelming sense of calm settle over her, causing her heart to race.  

She closed her eyes tight, her breath coming in pants, as the noises around her began to fade one by one.  She fought the sensation, but she couldn’t overcome.  Her body has been through so much trauma, mentally and physically, and all she wanted to do was  _ rest _ .  

“What did you do?” she slurs at the droid.  She assumes it is still there by Karyan’s bed side despite being unable to see it with her eyes clenched tight.  

She feels  _ so _ weak, her body giving in like this.  She feels herself falling deep into the neverending darkness that the vision in Maz’s castle had warned her about.  The same darkness that surrounded her from the moment she stepped foot on this base.  The same  _ darkness  _ she felt in Ben when she saw him standing over those bodies on Takodana, his saber still ignited, his eyes dark and wild from killing.  

She gives up and lets herself fall completely into it, wrapping it around herself like a cloak.  It feels so  _ warm _ and so  _ inviting _ and it fits her so well. The light around her disappears and she is overcome by a sense of coming home.

* * *

Karyan stumbles into the hallway, her breathing ragged and strained.  Her helmet feels like it’s suffocating her, but she doesn’t dare remove it.  She feels weak, a light that she thought she snuffed out years ago frees itself, illuminating her humanity.  She nearly breaks down at the thought.

She feels her rage, she fuels it as it rises to snuff out the call of the light.  Her saber is in her hand before she can think, before she can dwell on the feeling of being burned from the inside out by her own human emotions.  She slashes the wall nearest to her, a scream tearing free from her throat as she lets the darkness and rage back in.  

Her power and her darkness return to her with each slash of her saber against the metal wall.  It’s almost beautiful, the way her saber leaves deep gaping slashes in the metal.  She can only imagine the ‘talk’ she and General Hux are going to have much later about her inability to control herself and her temper.  But she has never felt more in control as she leaves her marks there.  She feels like herself, instead of feeling lost in the light.  

Rey’s teary-eyed pleading face is no longer burned into her memory.  She can shove it down,  _ deep _ down, where the final embers of who she used to be are slowly turning to ash.  The power she had been awarded snuffing out any last spark of light and humanity..  She  _ will  _ finish what the empire started.  It is her  _ birthright  _ and she would allow nothing to get in her way.

After she recovered, Karyan sent the first medical droid she could find.  She overrode the droid’s need to tell Rey every step of the medical process. Then she made sure to order it to give that stupid scavenger girl something for her to go to sleep.  Karyan wanted there to be no way she could refuse the sedative.  It was for her own good, especially if it meant being able to catch her off guard, or so Karyan told herself.   

When she had brought the girl back instead of the droid,  _ and _ instead of her brother, Supreme Leader had accused her of feeling compassion for her.   _ Especially _ after she discovered her to be a user of The Force.  It made her sick to think Supreme Leader thought she had a weakness for someone so inconsequential.  She didn’t have compassion for  _ anyone _ , compassion was weakness, and weakness was unforgivable.

Supreme Leader had also been disappointed that she had murdered her brother on Takodana.  She had orders not to harm him years ago when she laid waste to the padawans in the Jedi Academy, but she assumed those orders no longer applied.  Supreme Leader had called it a “waste of true talent” and she had barely held back her anger.  

Would she always live in the shadow of her brother?   _ She _ had listened to the Supreme Leader’s call, she had come to the darkness, and yet he still lusted after her brother’s power.  She was glad she had erased him from existence.  The idea of  _ Snoke _ finally getting what he wanted, and replacing her with  _ Ben Solo _ made her  _ burn _ with rage.  She would  _ not  _ be second best to him, not anymore.

She walked down the hallway with purpose, face masked and head held high despite herself.  She was appalled that anyone would accuse her of being compassionate.  She was even even more appalled that Supreme Leader had still wanted her brother alive after all this time.  

She has been punished severely for ending his life, but even now she viewed it as necessary for her own survival.  He would never be fully swayed by the dark, not like she had been.  Supreme Leader would have lost him and all of The First Order’s secrets along with him.  Ten years and she still didn’t understand how he couldn’t see it. 

* * *

The training grounds on the west side of the base were usually filled with stormtroopers and other low-ranking officers.  That suited her just fine, those lower on the food chain feared her and gave her a wide berth.  She also didn’t want to encounter any Knights of Ren as of yet, not when she had spent the last four days interrogating the scavenger and not keeping up with their tricks.  She was in no mood for their blatant recklessness and bloodthirst.  

She turned the corner, making her way out to the training grounds and entering the west training facility.  Inside, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared, including Captain Phasma (who seemed out of place in this sort of facility amongst her low-ranking troops).  

Karyan titled her head slightly to the side, looking at the captain from behind her mask.  She knew high-ranking officers had their own training facility on the South side of the base.  Though, she supposed it was not outside of Phasma’s job description to visit with her troops during training in order to push them beyond their physical limits.  

“Captain,” she acknowledged with a tilt of her head.

“Karyan Ren,” Phasma said with a nod.  

Then the facility went back to normal.  Karyan watched as the troopers continued with what they had been doing previously, albeit it a bit more tense.  Phasma, for her part, continued to observe their progress and bark orders when her troops failed to perform to her standards.  

Karyan made her way to a private room in the back of the facility.  It was closed off from the rest of the gym and it was mostly used for storage.  However, it had originally been designed for lightsaber training.  She punched a code into the door and watched as it slid open.  She entered swiftly and locked the room behind her.  

Combat droids stood deactivated along the walls, a mess of marred, glittering metal.  A thick black training mat covered the floor beneath her feet, leaving only a few millimeters of concrete on any side.  Near the door an abundance of ranged and close-combat weapons were placed on a weapons rack.  She ignored them in favor of her own saber. 

She removed her mask and her overcoat, tossing them to the other side of the room  They hit the wall and clattered to the floor with a thump.  Normally she would have left them on, the weight of her clothing adding strain and resistance to her workout.  But today wasn’t about honing her abilities, it was about releasing the frustration and rage she had built up over the past four days.  

She turned away from her discarded clothing and made her way across the room.  She dragged three of the combat droids onto the mat and activated them.  Normally she would have opted for more, but her impatience got the better of her.  

The combat droids came to life with a soft whirring noise.  Their eyes lighting up, their limbs moving in jerky mechanical motions.  Each of them held a weapon: one held a blaster, another a long staff, and the last an older model of a riot baton.  She stood back, drawing her saber and waiting.

“Difficulty?” The droids asked as one.

“High,” Karyan responded, raising her saber.

“Confirmed.”

The droids all lunged as a unit, with only a millisecond of variance between them.  Karyan stood in wait, letting them approach her.  They always moved much too slow for her taste, but once they finally began she found that they were formidable opponents.  If she activated several of them at the same time, that is.

The droids attacked her from all angles, aware of one another in a way human soldiers never were.  She met them blow for blow, her red saber sparking against their bodies and weapons.  Every hit they doled out, every wave of the riot baton, or shot from the blaster, she blocked with ease despite the difficulty.  

It wasn’t what she wanted, she knew.  It was nowhere near difficult enough for her to get her frustrations out.  She had  _ barely _ even begun to break a sweat.  She could feel the rage and agitation bubbling up again as she blocked another blow from the droid on her left.  She had gotten so much  _ more _ from the fight with Ben on Takodana  She had even gotten more out of the short-lived fight between her and Rey four days ago.  The droids did nothing to distract her from herself.

She let her thoughts wander back to the girl and to what she had done to her, the way she had left things.  She had forced food into the Rey’s mouth, and then  _ snapped _ her collar bone beneath the heel of her hand.  Her stomach twisted uncomfortably as she recalled the memory of the girl begging her to stop.  

She could remember uttering those same words, in the  _ same _ exact way a long time ago.  In another life when she was weak.  Long before she had become strong,  _ long _ before she had become an unstoppable force with The First Order.  

Yet,  _ still _ her weakness found her in her dreams, by way of nightmares.  Her weakness found her in her waking hours through the light.  It found her in her reflection in Phasma’s armor, in the way Hux stood stiff and glared at her every time he saw her.  It constantly threatened to overcome her, to tear down her carefully constructed defenses, to  _ consume _ her whole being.  

She was  _ still  _ weak.  

The droid with the blaster landed a hit on her hip, startling her from her thoughts.  She stumbled, almost losing her footing in surprise, pressing her hand against the wound.  Then she roared, fingers streaked with blood, chasing away the weakness in her thoughts.  She pulled the darkness into her and sent it outwards with a push of power and rage.  It sent the droids flying in three different directions across the room.  

They collided with three different walls, a loud  _ boom _ echoing from the way they smashed into the duraplast.  She had slammed them so forcefully two of the droids had become embedded in their respective walls.  The third, however, clattered to the floor in a shower of sparks, its red eyes flickering as it emanated a high-pitched screeching noise until it could no longer sustain itself.  

There was a knock on the door as she stood in the middle of the room admiring the damage she had wrought.  It didn’t make her feel any better, the cracks in the wall and the mess of the broken droids only served to put her in a more foul mood.  The way things had transpired here only served as a reminder of her time in the Jedi Academy with Ben and her Uncle Luke.  Her outbursts had often gotten her in trouble there as well.

Another knock, more insistent this time.

She took in a deep breath, making her way across the mat to where she had tossed her mask and overcoat.  She took her time putting them back on, knowing full well that she locked the door from the inside.  No one, not even  _ General Hux, _ would be allowed to enter so long as she didn’t want them in the room.  

A third knock did nothing to spur her into action.  If anything it made her want to move even more slowly towards the entrance of the room.  

“ _ What _ ?” she snapped as the door slid open, revealing Phasma flanked by two stormtroopers.  She didn’t need to see beneath their masks to know that they had heard the commotion from inside of the room.  

She could  _ feel _ Phasma’s disapproval emanating from her like waves. She could even feel the stormtroopers fear and anxiety, mixed with trust and admiration for their captain.  She considered showing them that their trust was unfounded, but she had already ended a life Snoke had ordered her not to.  She held back her rage.

“I’m busy,” Karyan responded when Phasma said nothing, “It’s been four days since I’ve been able to train, captain.”  

“Perhaps you should refrain from irreversibly damaging equipment,” Phasma said simply, her voice smooth and cool.  Karyan could feel the slight change in her emotions, anxiety flowing from her now, despite her emotionless tone. She clenched her fists at her sides.  Her saber was deactivated now, but she still gripped it tightly in her hand.  It would be easy,  _ so _ easy to be rid of the annoyance that was Captain Phasma.  

“Perhaps,” she responded simply, hanging her saber on her hip to remove the temptation of murdering one of her high-ranked officers, and angering Supreme Leader even more.

She pushed past Phasma and the troopers in the doorway.  She hadn’t had nearly enough time with the combat droids before she destroyed them, but now her thoughts were far too distracting for her to continue training.  That made for bad combat practices on her part.  

She couldn’t get Rey’s face out of her head.  She couldn’t ignore the  _ regret _ she felt at the punishment she had doled out. 

Phasma said nothing as she watched Karyan exit the facility, her troops still flanking her.  The young woman seems troubled, more-so than she had ever seen her.  It was not her place to question her superior officers, but she still wondered privately if Karyan’s mental state was impairing her ability to lead.

* * *

Karyan returned to her quarters without another word.  She had only been gone for a few short hours, but the mess she made that morning was already gone.  Everything she had broken in her attempt to get Rey to eat had been replaced.  The mess of food on the floor had been cleared away, and the scavenger lay motionless in her bed. 

The silence got to her the most.  Normally upon her return Rey would have questions, or she would have taunted her, she would have said  _ something _ , but not this time.  Karyan wasn’t sure whether she should feel guilty or not, and the thought worried her.

Rey lays on her back on top of the blankets on her bed.  She would almost look peaceful if it weren’t for the finger shaped bruises on her throat and the large bruise that now marred her clavicle.  

Her hair had been pulled free from the three buns on the back of her head and was now pressed beneath her against the mattress.  It looked wild and unkempt, still littered with crumbs from the sweet bread.  Though her face had been wiped clean of any evidence of what Karyan had done to her.  She supposed the droid was responsible for that.  

Karyan sat on the bed beside her.  

There was something about this girl that unnerved her.  Beyond her use of the force, it was something  _ more _ than that.  She could feel the light in her, unyielding despite Snoke’s instruction to seduce her to the darkness.  The girl had dabbled while she was here, she had tasted the power of the darkness.  The  _ forbidden fruit _ so to speak, but still her light remained; unwavering.  

She felt a sense of calm settle over her as she watched the scavenger sleep.  Her earlier anxiety that the girl was going to somehow kill herself disappeared.  She watched her chest rise and fall, watched her eyelids flutter slightly in her sleep, and watched her lips part as she drew breath into her lungs.  

It stirred something within her.  There was something there that wasn’t before, an emotion she couldn’t put her finger on.  She refused to believe it was  _ compassion _ , that  _ poisonous _ emotion Supreme Leader accused her of.   _ This  _ feeling was not born of compassion or of love, but instead it was born from curiosity.  

Karyan was  _ desperate _ to know her.  She could sense how strong she was in the force, but she wanted more than that.  She wanted to explore the short-lived bond this girl had with her brother.  Karyan wanted to examine and probe the light she felt in the back of her head when she was near.  

She wondered absently if by bonding with her brother, Rey had somehow been connected with her as well.  She pushed the thought away when it thrilled her, a troubling sensation rising in her stomach and chest.  She was  _ excited _ by the prospect of no longer being alone.  Her weakness and admiration for this girl was sickening.  

She wondered how long it would take for the drugs to wear off. When would Rey come back into consciousness?  She debated calling the medical droid back to the room, but thought better of it. There was nothing she could do now, even if she did know how long the girl would be asleep.  

Not to mention, there was no way she could get any relevant information out of entering Rey’s unconscious mind.  She had tried the same technique several times on other prisoners.  Her most recent prisoner, Poe Dameron, included. There had never been anything there other than strange dreams and base thoughts.

Could she use the force to push the drugs faster through her system and wake her up?  She needed the information Rey had the whereabouts of Luke Skywalker. She also needed the girl awake in order to convince her to come to the darkside.  There would be no more playing nice, Rey needed to be a good girl and play along.  She  _ would _ be stuck there for a long time, after all.  There was no one left alive who wanted to save her, of that she was certain.

She had felt her brother’s light snuff out on Takodana.  He was the only one who even remotely knew who had taken his little scavenger pet off planet.  She had  _ ensured _ that he would not interfere, despite her master’s ancient orders not to end his life.  

No one else knew the girl or cared about her.  She had grown up lonely and isolated.  The only person who had even remotely paid attention to her had died for her on the planet she had taken her from.  

“Give in, Rey,” she whispered to the sleeping woman. She lifted her hand, pressing her fingertips against Rey’s forehead as she invaded her mind.  She knew reading her mind would be useless, so she instead she opted to plant a suggestion there.  Though, even still, she had no way of knowing if it would take until the girl woke up.  

She  _ would _ have Rey conform, she  _ would _ become a part of the dark side.  With the two of them on the same side, The First Order would be unstoppable.  

“No one is coming for you,” she said, lowering her hand and watching Rey sleep for another few moments before turning away from her, “I’m all you have left.” 

She stands then, stripping herself of her formal robes and changing into an outfit for running.  Her constant wandering thoughts may have made her unsuitable for combat at present, but she could run.  And she  _ would _ run, not stopping until her feet bled, until she retched up everything in her stomach, until she  _ forgot _ all about the way this girl made her feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Social Media:  
> Tumblr: http://kylawren.tumblr.com  
> Twitter: http://twitter.com/diaryofphasma  
> Webcomic: http://unfinishedcomic.com  
> DeviantART: http://kylowren.deviantart.com  
> BadFic & Kylo Ren Sings: http://badfic.space


	6. Keep You on My Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Finn discuss the death of Ben Solo. Poe admits he was childhood friends with Ben to Finn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult to write and not edited for grammar. I've been so busy this past week it's almost unreal. I haven't even finished chapter 7, and it's over 10,000 words. I'm trying to break it up, but it's no use. This chapter was easy to write once I sat down and re-wrote it. But it's hard to find time to write. 
> 
> So that's why this week's update is almost late :).
> 
> This chapter was co-written with the lovely Wrotedownoursong. It was literally her idea and I love her.

The past five days had been a blur.  Poe had returned to the resistance base, had been reunited with Finn and BB-8 after leaving them both on Jakku, and had seen Finn become an integral part of the resistance despite his earlier affiliation to The First Order.  For all intents and purposes, Poe should be overjoyed, but the happiness of his reunion with his droid and the man that rescued him was overshadowed by the news that General Organa’s son had finally returned to her, but in critical condition.

General Leia Organa had been through a lot over the years he had been in her service.  She had lost her son, her husband, her brother, and countless other lives in their battle against The First Order. The death of her son on top of that would  _ kill _ her.  

This is the first time he’s been alone since Finn came to D’Qar and he  _ misses  _ him.  Finn did a great job of distracting him from the grief he felt for Ben.  Now that he was alone, his thoughts turning over in his head, he found he wasn’t as alright as he thought he was.  He doesn’t  _ want _ to think about Ben or General Organa.

He had spent the past five  _ years _ worrying about Ben, wondering where he was, wondering if it was  _ him _ who had ultimately chased him away.  He bites the side of his cheek and winces at the memory of the last time he saw him.  He swallows down his guilt and shakes his head as if to try and erase the memory.  

He and Ben had been friends since childhood.  The news of him returning should have been joyous, should have been something to celebrate, but now it left him feeling sick to his stomach.  When Leia first informed him of Ben’s impending death, he felt as if someone had punched him in the gut.  

When he had returned to visit with Finn later that evening, he had mostly regained his composure.  He had spent the last several days trying to hide this from the former stormtrooper.  He could tell Finn was curious as to why he seemed so distant after his meeting with the general, but he smiled and charmed his way out of having to speak about it.

The idea that  _ Ben _ —who had already survived so much—could really,  _ truly _ be dead was a sobering thought.  Even more so when Leia told him  _ Bea _ had done this to him.

He shivered at the thought of her.  The way she had taken him prisoner on Jakku without so much as a thought.  The way she had delved into his head, pulling on the strings of his thoughts, igniting him from the inside out with  _ white. hot. pain _ .

He sighed away the memory, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes to force it deeper.  Thinking about her now wouldn’t make a difference.  She was a monster now, a monster who had destroyed her own brother for the sake of power. 

He shook his head, a low groan escaping his lips as he attempted to derail his thoughts once more.  He didn’t want to think about anything related to The First Order or Ben Solo.  

When he felt the anxiety and fear welling up in him again he started walking.  Nowhere in particular at first, but soon he found himself walking one of the huge grassy fields on the far West side of the base.  His thoughts focused on the way the grass flowed in the breeze, on his breath, on the steady beat of his heart.  Anything to keep his thoughts from going back to Karyan and what she had wrought on her own family.  

Finn had gone to meet with General Organa and the resistance leaders to talk about Starkiller, presumably to finalize their plans to take down the base from the inside out.  Normally Poe would have been present at the meeting, but today he had been informed he and Finn would be briefed separately.

Poe walked for a long time.  He wandering around the field in a daze, trying desperately to keep his thoughts light.  He couldn’t.  His thoughts kept wandering back to the look on Leia’s face when she had told him about Ben’s return.  The resignation in her eyes when she told him there was a good chance he wouldn’t make it beyond the next few days.  General Organa was strong, but she had looked so defeated in that moment.  Poe worried this would be the loss that pushed her over the edge, but he knew deep down she would persevere.    

Poe shook his head and pressed his hands against his eyes again, dragging his fingernails down the sides of his face to remind himself not to dwell on these dangerous thoughts.  He had reached the tree line on the far end of the field before he broke himself free from the thoughts that plagued him when he was alone.

He stopped for a moment, eyeing the tree line with narrowed eyes before making a decision.  He sank down into the grass, leaning his back against one of the larger trees that surrounded the base.  

He sat there for a long time, eyes glazed over and staring off in the distance at nothing.  His lips were turned downward into a frown.  He absently plucked blades of grass from the ground beside him, rubbing them between his fingers as he lost himself in his thoughts once more.

_ Ben _ .

“Poe?” Finn asked, approaching him from the other side of the field.  He jumped, startled by Finn’s sudden presence.  He had been staring straight at him without noticing he was there, he realized at the other man approached.  Finn gave him a confused glance before he plopped down in the grass next to him.  

“Are you alright?” Finn asked.  Poe pursed his lips and shrugged his shoulders.  Normally he would deny everything, falling into his easy mask of charm and flirtation, but this wasn’t something he could just snap out of.  Not now that he had spent so much time dwelling on it.

“How was your meeting with the general?” Poe asked, avoiding Finn’s question.  Finn frowned and furrowed his brow, but said nothing about Poe’s behavior.

“It went well, she’ll call for you soon, she said,”  Finn answered without much suspicion.  Poe nodded and turned away from him, silence stretching between them as they both gazed out at the field.  

Poe was the first one to break the silence.

“Did General Organa say anything about her son?” Poe asked, because suspicion be damned he needed to know if Ben Solo was still alive.  He knew Finn had been with him on Takodana and was already convinced of his demise at the hands of Karyan Ren.

“No,” Finn responded, a bit taken aback, “Why?”  Poe shook his head.

“I just hate seeing her look like that, she’s lost so much I don’t want her to lose Ben too.”  Poe didn’t dare bring up his past with the general’s son.  He tried to avoid the line of questioning that usually followed the knowledge that he had known Leia Organa since he was a young boy.

Finn shifted uncomfortably next to him.

“He’s already dead,” Finn said softly.  Poe tensed, not understanding how Finn could have an opinion on whether Ben Solo was alive or not.  Then he realized, Finn had  _ been _ there.  He had seen the aftermath of what Karyan had done to him on Takodana, and he had ridden back on the shuttle with Han and Leia.

“Did...did you see him…?”  Poe couldn’t finish his sentence.  He couldn’t bear to ask if Finn had seen Ben die on that shuttle.  The former stormtrooper tensed, shaking his head no.   

“Then you’re being awfully pessimistic about this, don’t you think?” Poe asked, trying to keep his tone light, but it came across as tense and irritated.  

“Why does this even matter to you?” Finn asked, genuinely curious, “And don’t say it’s because you’re worried about General Organa, because this is obviously much more than that.”    

“I  _ am _ worried about General Organa,” Poe responded.  It was true, he  _ was _ worried about her and, especially since she had been so absent lately. 

“But it’s more than that, Poe.  What aren’t you telling me?” Finn implored.

Poe shrugged.

“You’re looking too much into this,” he tells him, “General Organa has been distraught lately and I—” Finn cut him off with a huff.

“But you’re not asking about  _ her,  _ Poe, you’re asking about Ben Solo.”

“He  _ is _ her son,” Poe argued, as if this would explain his interest in Ben’s current condition.  Finn looked skeptical.  Poe turned away from him and crossed his arms over his chest.

He didn’t  _ want _ to discuss this with Finn, not right now.  He wanted to talk to someone who would  _ understand _ what he was going through.  He hadn’t had much success in getting any alone time with General Organa, Han Solo, or Chewbacca since Leia had informed him of Ben’s dire condition when he arrived on D’Qar.  

In fact, after their return  from Takodana the three of them had been distant and almost secretive.  The Organa-Solo family had always had their secrets, but at least in the past they had been present.  Now he found that General Organa would disappear for hours at a time, she was absent from meetings, she was constantly absent from her own office on base.  Not to mention she would also look haggard and disheveled when someone was finally able to find her.  These days she could hardly stand.

“It’s  _ more _ than that,” Finn pressed, insistent that there was something more to the story between Ben and Poe.  “Why would his death affect you so much?”

“He’s  _ not _ dead,” Poe responded, surprising himself.  Finn frowned, tilting his head to the side to examine the pilot.

“You didn’t  _ see _ him, Poe I did, I was th—”

“He’s not  _ dead _ ,” Poe said, more insistent this time.  The former stormtrooper shit his mouth with an audible click.  Another long silence stretched between the two men, both of them at an impasse.  

“How can you be so sure?” Finn asked finally, breaking the silence between them.  

“I just am,” Poe responded, peering at Finn from the corner of his eye.  The former stormtrooper shook his head at him, mouth agape.  

“Poe…” Finn began with a frown.  

Seeing Poe behave like this was strange, he didn’t understand why he was so convinced that Ben Solo could still be alive.  Why he somehow  _ needed _ to believe that the smuggler’s song wasn’t dead.  After all, what did  _ Poe _ know about Ben Solo?  

Finn knew Poe served under his mother in the resistance military, but beyond that he assumed the two had never met before.  How would they have?  From what he understood, Ben had been away from the resistance for quite some time.  Was Poe telling the truth then?  Was he simply holding onto this hope for General Organa’s sake?

“You won’t change my mind, Finn,” Poe responded through clenched teeth.

“He’s dead, Poe,” Finn says slowly, his voice barely above a whisper, “You need to accept that so you can move on.” Finn needed for Poe to see his side of this.  There was a time and a place for  _ hope _ , but last he saw of Ben Solo he was beyond hope.  He had been hanging by a thread.  

Poe was on his feet in an instant, hands clenched into fists at his sides.  

“Finn!” He shouted, face flushed red, breathing labored, eyes shut tight, and his lips turned downwards into a frown.  Finn jumped slightly, caught off guard by Poe’s sudden outburst.  He had never seen Poe raise his voice at him or even get frustrated in the past five days he spent alongside him on the base.  It seemed so out of character for him to react this way.  

Finn didn’t respond, anxiety growing in his chest.  He hadn’t wanted to anger him, he had simply wanted the pilot to see his logic.  Holding onto a hope that Ben Solo was coming back would only serve destroy him.  

“Poe,” Finn tried again once his breathing had calmed down and he had reopened his eyes.  Poe shook his head wordlessly, glaring down at Finn as his comm link went off.  Leia was summoning him. 

“I can’t do this,” Poe said, answering his comm, and turning on his heel to run back towards the main base before Finn could even stand up to go after him.

* * *

Finn had never seen Poe react to anything like this.  Not even when Karyan Ren held him on board the Finalizer.  He had always been docile and somewhat charming even in captivity, even in the face of  _ certain death _ .  Now here he was shouting at him and walking away instead of facing his emotions head on.  

Finn had spent the past two hours searching the base for the pilot.  He assumed his meeting with Leia was over by now (considering his own meeting with the general had lasted less than an hour), but he couldn’t find him anywhere.   

He had finally given up, turning around and returning to his quarters, when he found him.  

Poe was leaning casually against the wall outside of his door, hair mussed and knuckles bloodied.  Finn stopped short at the end of the hall, watching him for a moment.  Poe tilted his head up and smiled softly at him, eyes glassy and far-off.  

“Poe,” Finn said.

“I’m sorry,” Poe said immediately, “can I come in?”  

Finn nodded and crossed the hall to open his door.  He had been assigned a temporary quarters somewhere in a tiny broom closet, considering he had come from The First Order and certain people on base didn’t know how to handle that.  

Even though he had never personally hurt anyone, he knew it would be a long time before anyone here really trusted him.  Though, he was optimistic he could prove himself by dismantling Starkiller.  

“Are you okay?” Finn asked once the two of them had entered the room.  

There wasn’t much in there, a single bunk bed, a small desk,matching chair, and a trunk to keep clothing and personal belongings in.  Finn didn’t have much in the way of personal effects when he arrived.  All he had to his name were the black underclothes from beneath his armor, First Order Military boots, and Poe’s jacket.  The rest of the items in the trunk had been gifted to him by the resistance.  

Poe sighed and sat down on the edge of Finn’s bed.  Finn sat down beside him and waited in silence for Poe to speak.  

"I know him, Finn," Poe blurted, looking anywhere but at the other man, "I've known Ben since we were little kids." 

"You knew him?"  Finn sounded surprised, but he didn’t want to argue anymore, if Poe wanted to believe Ben is still alive then he would let him.  At least until he could get some closure.  

He wondered briefly if General Organa and Han were waiting until after the Starkiller situation was resolved before they arranged their son’s funeral, but he also knew it wasn’t any of his business.  

His use of “ _ knew _ ” rather than “ _ know _ ” bothers Poe more than he’s willing to admit.  

“I  _ know _ him,” Poe corrected, shaking his head.  He tried to swallow down the feelings of  _ grief  _ and  _ regret _ he felt, but it was impossible.  He could feel the corners of his eyes stinging with the threat of tears.

"He isn't dead,"  He explained, voice sounding strangled, bending his arms and pressing the tips of his fingers against his eyelids in order to hold the tears at bay.  

Finn watched him, curious.  Perhaps Poe knew something about Ben Solo that made it possible for him to live?  Even so, his constant denial of the other man’s death was concerning.  Finn did not voice his concerns.  

"You and Ben Solo were friends?" Finn asked, trying to avoid bringing up their differing opinions.

"We grew up together," Poe said with a sad smile, "I knew him before he left to become a smuggler like his father,” Poe paused to laugh bitterly, “I even knew him before he went off to become a Jedi at Luke’s academy.  I even got to visit him there a few times.  Before..."  He trailed off again, biting his tongue.  He didn’t want to go into detail about Karyan’s past if he didn’t have to, not yet.  He wasn’t ready to re-live that part of his life.

He remembered being scared, terrified really, that Karyan had ended Ben’s as well.  

His chest felt tight as he remembered seeing Ben come down the ramp of the Millennium Falcon, face dirty and tracked with tears, hair matted to his head from blood and sweat.  It was burned into his memory.  The way he went straight into Leia’s arms and cried, how she held him desperately, with Han Solo standing a short distance away before making his decision to stand with his family. Arms slung around both Ben and Leia as they wept.  He had never seen a family grieve so completely for someone who was still alive.

Finn was quiet, waiting for Poe to continue.

"We used to spend every summer together. Our families both had summer houses on Spira, I can still remember it."  Poe paused again, a soft smile on his lips.  

He remembered sliding down sand dunes, and playing pilot games.  Both Ben and Poe were convinced they would grow up to be fighter pilots together, force sensitivity be damned.  

That had all changed when Ben turned 10, however, and Leia and Han sent him and  _ Bea _ off to train with Luke.  He knew they were only doing what they thought best, but now he couldn’t help but think there could have been  _ something _ they could have done differently.  Even though he knew deep down that Bea had always been a monster.  There was nothing anyone could have done differently to prevent her from snapping.

_ Still _ .  

Poe remembered the first time he visited Ben at the academy.  After months and months of begging to see him, his parents had finally relented and took him there on one of their visits.  

They visited monthly after that.

During his visits something in Ben began to change.  He had become distant, removed, and  **_dark_ ** _. _  It was as if something was poisoning his very being.  He became obsessed with Darth Vader, obsessed with learning everything he could about the force, and more specifically the  _ dark side _ .  It terrified Poe in ways he could not describe.  

As bad as Ben was,  _ Bea _ was worse.  He swallowed hard at the memory of her, the way she became so removed from her own day-to-day life that she would no longer come out to see him on his visits.  She would no longer speak to her brother or her uncle.  He remembered his last visit before Bea  _ snapped _ .  The way he had seen her the night he left on his parents ship, she had been standing outside, staring up at the stars as if willing someone or  _ something  _ to come and get her.  

Ben was different after that.  After the loss of his sister, something broke inside of him.  He pushed the darkness and the force as far away from himself as he could.  It took him years to even think about using the force on purpose, and even then it was only to accompany his father on missions.  He never talked about it, but Poe could see it affected him greatly. 

“Tell me,” Finn said, when Poe had remained silent for too long.  Finn had never had a childhood, he was curious as to what normal children did growing up.  He remembered nothing but conditioning, re-conditioning, training, and loyalty to the nameless, faceless entity that was The First Order.  

“It was wonderful,” Poe said fondly, and it had been for awhile, until it wasn’t anymore, “We would play on the beaches. Ben wanted to be a fighter pilot like me.”  Poe laughed at the memory, choking off into desperate sobs before he could stop himself.

“He can’t be dead,” Poe gasped, wiping at his eyes frantically.  Finn panicked for a moment.  His bed didn’t give him much opportunity to maneuver in order to offer Poe comfort.  Finn stood, a pained look settling on his face as he watched the pilot whimper into his hands.  When he could no longer stand to see him like that, he gripped Poe’s arms and pulled the other man up from the bed and into his arms, embracing him.  

Poe clung to him, face pressed against his shoulder, arms gripping tightly around Finn’s upper abdomen.  Finn braced his arms against Poe’s shoulder blades and rubbed small, cautious circles in the center of the other man’s back.  

For a long moment the only sounds that filled the room was the heart wrenching sound of Poe sobbing into Finn’s shoulder.  Neither of them spoke or moved, Finn hardly even breathed.

“I’m sorry,” Finn whispered against Poe’s hair.  The pilot pulled back then, sliding his arms from Finn’s waist and gripping the other man’s biceps as he stared at him.

“Yeah,” Poe said, almost breathless as he met Finn’s eyes.  His cheeks are stained with tears, eyes rimmed red, and nose runny.  Finn can’t remember seeing anyone look like that.  Poe parts his lips and Finn’s gaze travel from his eyes down to his mouth.  

Poe feels something change between them.  He steps closer to Finn, pressing their bodies together because nothing has ever felt more  _ right _ .  He wants nothing more than to be close to him, this beautiful man that had saved him from certain death at The First Order’s hand.  

Finn  _ sighs _ , shifting his arms lower on Poe’s waist, holding the pilot close against him.  Poe’s heart races in his chest and he smiles.  This is something he should have done a long time ago.  The very first day he saw him on D’Qar to be exact.  He couldn’t remember why he hadn’t.  

“Thank you,” Poe whispered, because he had to say  _ something _ .  He and Finn were so close now, just a few more inches and he could press their foreheads together, and after that…

“For what?” Finn asked.  His voice sounded far off and distracted.  His gaze was still set on Poe’s mouth.  Poe didn’t respond, instead he worried his bottom lip between his teeth and gazed at Finn from beneath his lashes.  

Finn shifted nervously beneath the gaze, tilting his head slightly.  His heart was thunder in his chest.  Poe tilted his chin upwards, sliding his tongue slowly across his lips.  An energy passed between the two of them and it made Poe shiver with anticipation.  

He could feel Finn’s breath against his mouth, and his eyelids fluttered closed.  He licked his lips again, relishing in the sound of Finn’s breath catching in his throat.  Poe chuckled lightly, running his hands from Finn’s biceps to rest at the nape of his neck.  

Everything moved quickly after that.  

There was a knock on the door, bringing the two of them crashing back down to reality.  Finn groaned miserably, and Poe just barely held back several curses.  He opened his eyes in time to see Finn shoot him an apologetic smile as he adjusted himself and made his way to the door.  

“Finn?” General Organa asked before Finn could open the door.  He sighed, slight flush in his cheeks as the door opened to reveal her, Han, and Chewbacca waiting on the other side.  

“General,” Finn said, nodding to her before acknowledging the other two, “Han, Chewbacca.”  Han nodded back at him, and Chewbacca growled back in greeting.  General Organa looked slightly better than she had when he had seen her that morning, but she still looked  _ exhausted _ and weakened, as if something had been draining her of power.  Finn tried not to think about it.

“We believe we’re ready to put your plan into action,” Leia informed him.  Finn grinned at her and stood a little taller.

“Yeah?” He asked.  The general nodded.

“But first we have much to discuss,” Leia continued, leaning around Finn to stare at the other person in the room, “With you as well, Dameron.”  Poe nodded at her, standing at attention when she addressed him. 

Finn turned back to him, a small smile on his lips.  Poe knew Finn had felt trapped there on the base, he had been itching to prove his loyalty to the resistance since he landed on D’Qar.  Not to mention this would mean him getting his friend back as well.  Poe was rather curious to meet her, considering rescuing her was both Finn’s first and Ben’s last wish.

Finn exits the room and Poe follows after him.

“I apologize for having you wait so long, Finn,” Leia began, “But I had my reasons.”

“I understand, General,” Finn responded.  She nods at him.

“I know this is your plan, and while we had the ability to execute it days ago,” she trailed off then, gauging Finn’s reaction, he gave no indication of being surprised or upset, “We were waiting on the final member of your ground team.”  Finn stopped walking then.  General Organa was adding another person to his team?  He already had Han and Chewbacca, it would be overkill to add someone else.

“A fourth person?” Finn asked, “This is a covert mission, General, adding another person heightens the risk of being caught.”

“Not in this case,” Leia said with a small smile, “I believe you’ll want him on your side.”  Finn doesn’t say anything in response, he can’t.  His mouth is dry, fists clenched by his sides.  Poe’s breath catches in his throat behind him.

“Who is it?” Poe asked, his voice filled with warmth and  _ hope _ .  

“My son,” Leia responded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	7. Bury It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Cover up, cover up, cover up that you're ruthless  
> Nobody, nobody, nobody's ever gonna notice  
> And I am catchin' up and I am seein' red  
> How about I prove I'm right and raise it overhead?
> 
> I never promised you anything I couldn't do  
> We tried to bury it and rise above, bury it and rise above  
> You, you, you never promised me you were seeing differently  
> Bury it and rise above, bury it and rise above"
> 
> Rey struggles with the darkness and the suggestion Karyan put in her mind while she slept. Enter General Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really just. Love this chapter.

Rey awoke with a start, gasping and sputtering, trying to get as much air as she could into her lungs. She hadn’t slept in so long she was disoriented and dizzy.  The whole room was blurry and her head  _ ached _ .  Her whole body ached, honestly.  She tried to move on the bed to see where she was and what state she was in.  She stopped cold, fear welling up in her chest when she felt the pain that radiated from her clavicle to her shoulder and chest.  She hissed, reaching her good arm up to touch the brace the medical droid had placed there. 

It took a moment for her head to catch up with her body.   The paralyzing fear that filled her upon the realization of waking up in Karyan Ren’s quarters and being unable to move didn’t help.  She hadn’t once forgotten her situation: she was a prisoner of The First Order, a prisoner of Karyan Ren herself, and she had been  _ drugged _ .  Her heart pounded so hard that her chest ached and her stomach twisted.  Karyan Ren had  _ drugged _ her.  

“Karyan?” She asked, her voice a hoarse whisper.  There was no response.  She called for the other woman again, voice louder, but wavering in fear.  There was still no answer.  Rey swallowed, biting her lip and attempting to sit up, slowly.  She struggled, muscles aching and screaming in protest as she dragged her body upwards with one arm in order to lean against Karyan’s pillows.  

What had that droid dosed her with to make her feel this way?  Rey rubbed at her eyes and her forehead with her good hand, willing the pain to subside.  It didn’t listen.  Her pain burned inside of her, stabbing and twisting until tears burned at the corners of her eyes.  Every breath she drew made her whole body ache as if she were on fire.  

She groaned, head pounding as she tried harder to fight against the feeling of her body tearing itself apart.  In her twenty years of living she had never once experienced a pain like this.  A pain so all consuming that she couldn’t concentrate on anything else.  

“Stop, stop, stop,” she begged aloud, whimpers tearing free from her throat, her head pounded with every word.  The pain so intense she felt as if her head were about to explode.  She clutched at her face, fingernails digging into the flesh of her forehead and cheek.  

And then, the pounding in her head was gone.  Replaced by soft whispers, scratching at the back of her skull.  Rey’s eyes snapped open and she looked around the room frantically.  

Other than her, the room was empty, but she got the feeling she wasn’t truly alone.  The whispers faded, replaced by a dull aching pain that she could ignore as she looked at the room for the first time since she had woken up.  Her heart raced in her chest, pounding with the residual fear of someone or  _ something _ being inside of her mind.  

For the first time she noticed that Karyan had left food out on the table for her, accompanied by a handwritten note.  Rey glared at it, fingertips brushing against the bruise Karyan had left on her the last time she had refused to eat.  Her hatred for the other woman came alive, burning through her as she stared at the offending items on the table.  

The items rattled under her gaze and Rey wanted nothing more than to send them clattering into the wall.  The satisfaction that destroying something would give to her was almost too good to ignore.  She stopped with a sigh, the items on the table falling silent and still.

_ What was the point? _

What was the point in fighting the dark side now?  

Rey could feel it creeping in, consuming her from the inside out, with whispers of power and greatness.  She had already wrapped herself in it, cloaked herself with the pitch-black force that flowed through Starkiller base.  It made her feel  _ strong _ in ways she had never felt before.  

What was stopping her from wielding this kind of darkness against those who would harm her or stand against her?  Why was siding with The First Order so wrong?  No one was coming for her, no one would ever have to know.  

She felt the emptiness in her head where she had previously felt the force signature of Ben Solo.  He was absent, had been since she had woken up in that interrogation chair with Karyan.  The thought of him being really, truly gone was sobering and she sat a little straighter on the bed, despite the pain it shot through her shoulder.  

She  _ missed _ the feeling of him being there, a beacon of light in her mind, proof that she was no longer alone.  It had been  _ so long _ since she felt like she had someone on her side.  Their connection had been fleeting, no more than a few hours before she had been taken, but he had been there.  

At first it has seemed so intrusive to have someone there lodged in the back of her mind, but now she felt the opposite.  She would much rather have him still there than try and deal with this situation on her own.  He had been a light with no pain, with no dark whispers and promises of unlimited power.  Ben had been unconditional. 

Now, he would be a reminder of who she was.  

The darkness that made Starkiller it’s home, twisted and broke around her, she could feel it shudder and pulse  as if it were an extension of her own skin.  She fought it off again, pushing it away.  It crackled around her like lightning, licking at her skin, sticking to her like glue in protest.  

She could feel the power there.  It was so much more than just a promise the dark side could never fulfill, it was real,  _ unlimited power _ .  All she had to do was say,  _ yes _ .  

It would be so  _ easy _ .  

Without Ben, no one would know what had happened to her.  She would just be another casualty of the war between The First Order and The Resistance.  

By now Finn had probably settled on some outer-rim planet where he could escape the was and The First Order’s that he feared so much, and Han Solo and Chewbacca were likely mourning Ben Solo’s demise. Her throat tightened, eyes stinging at the thought of someone mourning his death.

No one would mourn her.  Karyan was right, she was  _ alone _ .  

The door to Karyan’s quarters opened with a hiss, revealing the monster herself.  She was flanked by a ginger general who was red in the face, speaking quickly and loudly at Karyan while motioning to a datapad he held in his hand.  Karyan pretended as though he wasn’t there.  

“Scavenger,” she said through her mask, her voice distorted and grating as she talked over the red-faced general, , “You’re awake.”  

The general stopped speaking, his piercing blue eyes locked onto her.  She stared back at him, not wanting to see Karyan in her mask.  She swallowed hard.  His gaze was intense and it took all she had not to look away.

“Does my mask make you uncomfortable?” Karyan cooed through the distortion filter.  

Rey tensed at the sound, finally breaking her gaze from the general to stare down at the black sheets beneath her.  She could feel the smugness coming off of him in waves at having lorded his authority over her.  

She trembled as the whispers came to life again, spidery tendrils spreading throughout her mind.  

_ Kill him, kill him, kill him. _

She fought the  _ need _ that flowed through her.  Nothing good would come of killing this man.  And yet.

“What did you do to me?” Rey asked, trying to distract herself from the darkness that now flowed freely through her.  Her gaze lifted from the sheets, eyes finally beholding black mask that covered Karyan Ren’s face. 

The woman laughed, a harsh, high pitched noise that sounded terrifying coming from the filter in her mask.  Even the general next to her tensed, looking almost startled, his gaze snapping from Rey over to Karyan.  

“Whatever do you mean, girl?” She asked as she reached up and undid her mask, pulling it over her head so that Rey could see the cruel smile on her lips. She set her mask on a nearby table and sauntered towards where Rey sat unmoving on the bed.  

The general looked like he would rather be anywhere but there right now.  Karyan glared at him over her shoulder when he cleared his throat to inform her of his presence.  

“You can  _ leave _ now, Hux,” Karyan growled.  The man looked like he was going to say something, but she held up her hand, shaking her head at him.  

“I’m doing what Supreme Leader  _ wants _ ,” she growled lowly, “If you have an issue, I suggest you take it up with him.”  Hux’s face turned an unhealthy shade of red, hands shaking as he clutched the datapad he held a little too hard.  

“Yes, Ren,” Hux responded, his tone filled with loathing, “of  _ course _ .”  

Karyan ignored him, waving her hand again as a way of telling him she was done with whatever conversation he thought they were having.  Her attention was back on Rey now, brown eyes dark and calculating.  Rey watched her in turn, the general already forgotten as she tried to divine the answer she needed from the heat in Karyan’s gaze.  

The door hissed behind them again, signaling the exit of General Hux.  

“How are you feeling?” Karyan asked, turning away from her and walking to the table on the far side of the room.  She poured herself a glass of water, seemingly oblivious to Rey’s inner turmoil.    

Rey narrowed her eyes at the older woman, rage igniting inside of her, burning her from the inside out.  She made to cross her arms over her chest, but stopped when pain spread across her shoulder and chest once more.  She hissed and winced at the feeling. Karyan tilted her head, lifting her chin, and watching Rey over her shoulder.

“You know how I’m feeling,” Rey responded, with a harsh, barking laugh.  Karyan turned to face her then, leaning against the edge of the table with a smirk playing on her lips.  

Rey felt overwhelmed beneath her gaze, her face hot, her eyes stinging.  

"Look at what you’ve done to me,” Rey finished in a whisper.  She stared at the other woman, eyes locking, a silent conversation happening between the two of them.  Rey could feel the force spark and bend around them, the air almost  _ heavy _ with the weight of it.  The power that passed between the two of them was dangerous.  It clung to her skin, weighing her down and casting her deeper into the neverending darkness.  

“And what have I done to you?” Karyan asked, her voice barely above a whisper.  If Rey hadn’t seen her lips move, she would have sworn Karyan hadn’t spoken her question aloud at all.  

“You know what you’ve done,” Rey responded, trying desperately to get an admission from Karyan.  The woman just stared at her, face blank and stoic.  She gave no indication of feeling guilt or surprise at Rey’s accusation. 

Karyan pushed herself away from the edge of the table, water momentarily forgotten as she made her way across the room to where Rey lay on her bed.  She knelt on the edge, gripped Rey’s chin in her hand and stared down at her.  

Rey’s eyes narrowed and she tried to pull her face from Karyan’s grip.  The woman refused to release her, dark eyes boring into her own.  

From up close, Rey could see  _ so much _ reflected in Karyan’s gaze.  She could almost see the woman’s inner struggle, the gaping wound that her fight against the light had left within her.  Rey felt as though she were falling into a chasm.  It was almost as if she were being slowly devoured by the void the absence of the light had left there.  

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,”  Karyan responded, but her eyes betrayed her.  

“You’re a monster,” Rey choked beneath the intensity of Karyan’s gaze.  The other woman’s lips curled upwards into a sneer.  

“Now you are too,” She responded.

Rey tensed, pulling away from Karyan so quickly she felt the muscles in her neck twist and pinch.  

“I will  _ never _ be like you,” Rey hissed, but her voice sounded weak to her ears.  Her protests were empty now, she didn’t have any fight left in her.  The darkside was too strong here.  The force around her so twisted and black, accepting it felt like coming  _ home _ .   

“You already are,” Karyan said.  She placed her fingers beneath Rey’s chin and tilted her head back so she could look her in the other woman’s eyes eyes again.

Rey said nothing to that, instead she cast her gaze downwards, Karyan’s fingers still beneath her chin, tilting her head back at an uncomfortable angle.  Her neck felt stretched and tense, her eyes crossing as she tried desperately to avoid looking at Karyan’s face.

“And look at how much stronger you are,” Karyan whispered, her face so close, Rey could feel the other woman’s breath on her cheek.  She squeezed her eyes shut tight.  

“ _ No _ ,” Karyan said, forcing her to stand up.  Rey groaned in protest, fighting against Karyan’s grasp, and gritting her teeth at the pain that shot through her limbs.  

“ _ Look _ ,” Karyan commanded, her mouth pressed against Rey’s ear.  Her fingers were around her throat, holding Rey’s head straight and willing her to see herself.  

Rey struggled, fighting desperately in her grasp.  Karyan pressed her body against Rey’s back to find purchase, fingernails squeezing at her jawline.  

“No,” Rey said.  She didn’t want to see herself now.  She had felt the change, felt the way the dark side had poisoned her, the way it crackled and burned around her.  

“ _ Yes _ ,” Karyan bid.  Rey’s will broke beneath the weight of Karyan’s own.

She opened her eyes.  She saw the outline of the mirror first, her vision blurred from pain.  Then, her gaze locked with her reflection’s and she felt  _ lost _ .  It felt like she was  _ falling _ .  It had only been  _ days _ and she had changed so much.  She looked nothing like the girl she remembered.  

She still had the same features, but the light that had flowed so freely around her was gone.  She felt the darkness heavy on her like a blanket.  She could  _ see _ it in her eyes, the way she was so much more now than she had been.  

She was surprised to find something she admired there.  She had been strong before, but now she seemed so much stronger.  In the mirror she looked like a giant, someone who could crush her enemies without a second thought.  Someone who didn’t  _ care _ if she was alone so long as she had  _ power _ .  

“See?”  Karyan whispered and Rey flicked her gaze from her own eyes to meet Karyan’s.  Rey took in the way the other woman held her throat, fingernails biting into her skin.  Her heart fluttered in her chest, hand reaching up to brush against Karyan’s wrist.  

Karyan hissed in her ear, unwinding herself from Rey and pulling back as though she had been burned.  Rey turned to face her, eyes wide and questioning.  Karyan turned her back, her shoulders tense, fists clenched at her sides.  Rey watched her for a long moment in silence,  _ needing _ her to turn back around, but Karyan  _ refused _ . 

Rey opened her mouth to speak, but was silenced when Karyan drew her lightsaber.  She swallowed hard, voice dying in her throat.  

Karyan made no move to turn around, the red blade bathed the room with it’s light.  The force bent around her in waves, rage and fear filling the room through Karyan’s force signature.  Rey felt almost suffocated beneath the weight of it.  

Again, Rey tried to speak.

Karyan screamed, slamming her saber down into the table, cutting it in half as she had once before.  It fell apart, knocking water and food all over the floor.  The glassware shattered.  Karyan didn’t stop.  

Her saber connected with the table again, with the floor, with the plates, with anything in her reach.  Rey was in shock, she felt the way Karyan’s control slipped free and she easily became the monster Rey remembered from Takodana.  The dark, looming figure that threatened to destroy everything she held dear,  _ including _ Rey herself.  

When the table was burned to ashes, and the floor was open and gaping with wounds from her saber, Karyan slashed at the wall.  She spun and twisted like something demonic, her mouth open in a scream of rage, eyes flashing red as blood in the light from her saber.  

“Karyan,” Rey said finally.  She reached out to her through the force.  The woman tensed between her shoulderblades, but otherwise ignored her as she marred the wall with every swing of her weapon.  

“Karyan,” she called again, swimming through the inky blackness that surrounded them.  Beneath it she could feel a tiny ficker of light,  _ her _ light (or what was left of it).  She made to move, to walk across the room and attempt to comfort the enraged knight.  

“Don’t!” Karyan warned, whirling around and pointing her blade in Rey’s face.  It was so close to her skin Rey could feel the heat, feel it burning and moving against her skin.  This time she was not afraid, though she knew she should be.  

“Don’t what?” Rey asked, her gaze moving from the blade to watch Karyan’s eyes.  

“Don’t  _ touch  _ me,” Karyan responded.  The whole room trembled with her voice.  Rey could feel her, could feel how terrified she was of her simple act of tenderness.  Her chest throbbed, an ache settling through her at the realization that Karyan had never been exposed to this sort of intimacy before.  

“I want to help you,”  Rey begged.  Karyan moved quickly, her saber twirling around Rey’s face in a flash of light.  The blade sizzled and popped, so close to searing into her shoulder.  Rey felt like her skin was almost melting beneath the fiery heat of the blade.  

Karyan’s face loomed close to hers, their noses almost touching.  

“You  _ can’t _ ,” she hissed.

“I can if you let me,” Rey whispered, reaching up to brush her fingertips against Karyan’s face with a trembling hand. 

Karyan’s nostrils flared, her eyes igniting with rage. She pressed the blade of her saber down into Rey’s shoulder, white hot flames just barely licking at her skin.  

Rey screamed, falling backwards to get away from the blade.  Her skin bubbled and hissed from the burn.  She tried desperately to alleviate the pain, but her movement only made it worse.  

Karyan loomed above her, deactivating her saber.  

“ _ No _ ,” she said in response to Rey’s earlier plea, her answer lost in the cacophony of Rey’s panicked screams.  

Rey's screams died down after a moment, replaced by a soft whimpering noise as Karyan watched in silence nearby.  Karyan’s eyes were dark, her lips pursed, sweat beading on her forehead as she took the the damage she had done.  Supreme Leader would not be pleased.

"Come here," Karyan said when Rey had quieted.  Rey didn’t move.  In fact, she made no indication of even hearing Karyan at all.

"I  _ said _ come here," Karyan commanded.  

Rey glared at her, she tried to be brave despite her heart pounding wildly in her chest.  

Karyan's hand went for her saber again.  

Rey was on her feet in an instant, terrified what Karyan drawing her saber once more would mean for her.  Her whole body ached from pain and fear, but she did as the other woman bid.  She stood before her, rage-filled tears slipping free from her eyes.  It hurt to feel so  _ weak _ .

"Pathetic," Karyan whispered, reaching out to touch the burn on Rey's shoulder.  The burn  _ she _ had placed there.  Rey flinched beneath her fingers, jerking away.

"Stop," Karyan commanded, moving closer and touching her again.  More tears spilled free.  

"Look at me," Karyan said, voice low.  Rey did.

Her eyes were still intense and terrifying, but there was something else there too.  Something  _ more _ .  Rey felt embarrassed, as if it were something she wasn't meant to see.  She tried to lower her gaze.

"No," Karyan commanded, a great and terrible power flowing through her.  "I want you to watch me while I do this, I want to  _ see _ you."

Rey stared at her, trembling beneath her touch in anticipation.  

Rey felt the force move, light swirling around the darkness.  Too much light now, even with her own force signature. 

Her eyes widened in realization.

"That's right," Karyan whispered, watching Rey's eyes go glassy and distant.  

The wound beneath Karyan's hand began to erase itself.  The scorched skin disappearing as though it had never been there.  Rey had never felt anything like it.  The way the light illuminated and soothed her was so much better than the burning, heavy feeling of the darkness.  

She felt lighter, like she could breathe again.  The pain in her shoulder disappeared.  

"Don't stop," Rey pleaded in a whisper.  She reached her hand up, fingers trembling as she tries to hold Karyan’s hand in place.  Her fingertips barely brush against the back of the other woman’s hand before she flinches.  

Rey swallows hard, watching Karyan’s face.  Karyan’s gaze is locked on her hand, watching as it covers her own.  She doesn’t move away.

"I have to," Karyan responded.  She sounds disgusted with herself.  The light that floods the room around them becomes perverted, poisoned with Karyan’s inner darkness.  

“Wait,” Rey begs.  She presses her hand on Karyan’s completely, gripping her fingers and leading her hand to her other shoulder to rest above her right breast.  She rests Karyan’s long fingertips against her broken collarbone.  

Karyan meets Rey’s gaze, eyes filled with a different kind of heat that chased away her constant loathing.  Karyan’s pupils were blown wide as she regarded her, heart pounding loudly in her ears, her lips parted as she draws breath, after breath, after breath into her lungs.  

“Here too,” Rey insists, her hand pressed firmly against Karyan’s.  The older woman’s skin was like ice, cooling Rey’s heated skin while she held her hand there.  

“No,” Karyan said, but made no move to pull away.  The light inside of her came to life again, twisting and swirling in and out of the darkness to form the most beautiful shade of grey Rey had ever seen.  

Rey felt it the moment Karyan turned the force onto her.  It was  _ beautiful _ , and bright, and welcoming.  Just as Ben had been.

It chased away the poison the darkness and filled her with.  It worked to close the festering wound the dark side had left within her, the deep grey chasm where she warred with herself, willing the light to win.  Every evidence that Karyan had ever harmed her disappeared with it.

Then, just as quickly as it has come, the light had been extinguished.  Rey swayed, staggering forward, the heavy weight of the dark side crashed down on her again, forcing her down to her knees.  She gripped at the front of Karyan’s robes as she fell, fists pulling the black fabric that hung around her hips.  

Karyan let her fall, making no move to even try and help her back up.  She regarded Rey with an open sense of curiosity.

Rey didn’t look up, her hands still buried in Karyan’s robes.  Karyan’s hands hung loosely by her sides, trembling slightly from her use of the light.  

Rey was  _ sweating _ , moisture heading on her forehead and chest.  The weight of what she had just witnessed weighed heavily on her.  The weight of what Karyan had just  _ done _ for her.  

Karyan was a  _ monster _ in so many ways, but there was so much more than that to her.  Rey found herself wishing she had never seen this, had never witnessed the bright, burning light that still resided in Karyan Ren.

The woman was  _ cruel,  _ but now she was also  _ kind _ in ways that drove Rey mad.  

Karyan’s fingers twitched by her sides when Rey still didn’t move away from her.  She reached for Rey’s hands and pried them from her robes.  Rey allowed this, still in shock from what had just occurred between them.  

Karyan moved away from her.

“You need to eat something,” Karyan said softly, breaking the long silence that stretched between them.  Rey looked up at her for a moment before her gaze moved to where Karyan had reduced the table to ash. 

“Are you hungry?” Karyan asked.

Rey was  _ more _ than hungry, she was  _ starving _ , but she knew what saying yes to this would mean.  It was more than just accepting food, it was accepting that no one was going to come for her.  It meant accepting that Ben Solo was dead and gone, accepting that this place, The First Order, was now her  _ home _ .  This would make her Karyan’s student, would make her Snoke’s acolyte.  

Karyan waited patiently for the other woman to answer.  She could feel Rey’s inner struggle, could sense the way that the darkness bent around her, drawn to the light she still held within.  Rey’s force signature was so bright it was almost scathing.  It threatened to awaken the fading embers of light within her as well if she did not succeed in destroying it. 

She  _ would _ succeed in destroying it.  

Rey rose to her feet, gaze locking with Karyan’s as she did.  

“Are you?” Karyan pressed.  

Rey pulled in the darkness around her as if she were drawing in a breath.

“ _ Yes _ ,” she answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Social Media:  
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> BadFic & Kylo Ren Sings: http://badfic.space


	8. Playing Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Poe are briefed on a rescue mission, Rey is presented to Supreme Leader Snoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my word it has been far too long. I've missed the lot of you! I've been up to a lot of stuff, I'm writing for the Reylo anthology this year and I have had this chapter sitting around for ages. You may have noticed this one is extra long as well. It's because as a reward for writing a page for my anthology story, I got to edit this one. I'm having a rough time of editing. 
> 
> But anyways, this is for Teague and for all of you kids that kept sending me asks for when I'm going to update. I'll try to get back to a regular schedule, but the next two chapters are a mess and I'm still writing for the anthology. I just didn't want you to think I abandoned this.
> 
> I haven't. Life just happened.

Ben wakes with a start, gasping for air as though he’s been brought back from the dead. He tries forcing his eyes open, but the light overhead is jarring to his senses. He closes them again with frustrated sigh, listening to his surroundings instead. 

The whole situation is surreal, he can hear the telltale hum of medical equipment around him, the smell of antiseptic filling his nostrils as he breathes in. His heart is beating hard, his pulse loud in his ears, adrenaline pumping through his veins. He is alive. 

He begins to catalog his injuries. Noticing first that the intense pain he had felt from before has waned tremendously. At first he thought they had put him on some sort of painkiller, but his head doesn’t feel fuzzy around the edges, instead he feels sharp, alert. 

He moves his limbs experimentally, expecting to find them broken or restrained. He finds nothing. There is no long ropey cast or plaster caked on his arms, nothing binding his limbs for healing, and absolutely no pain. He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes. 

“Ben?” His mother asks from his bedside. He flinches, her voice sounding loud in his ears. He turns his head, his mother’s concerned face coming into view. He smiles at her fondly. Of course she would be there by his side when he woke up. His father and uncle were suspiciously absent.

“Mother,” he says, his voice soft and filled with fondness. He hasn’t seen her in so long that it makes his heart ache. Now, she is here for him, the first face he sees when he wakes. 

She smiles back at him, reaching for his hand. 

“How long have I been out?” he asked then. It must have been ages for him to feel so put-together. 

He’s healed, almost completely. The wounds in his chest and shoulder still burned slightly, lightsaber wounds take a long time to heal. Not as long as broken bones, however. He stares down at his limbs and torso in confusion, something wasn’t adding up about this situation. 

“Eight days, almost nine” she tells him in a whisper. 

He blanches, and sits up quickly. His wounds stretch and burn and there is latent soreness from his fall, but not much else. He shivers, wondering how he was able to heal so quickly. He could have sworn something was broken when he had dragged himself across that battlefield. 

“And Rey?” He asks, concern and anxiety building in the back of his mind, “What about Rey?” His mother doesn’t look at him, her gaze lowering to the floor. Rescuing her from the clutches of The First Order had been the last thing he asked of her. Something that could have very well been his dying wish.

He pulls on the wires in his hand, pulling needles from beneath his skin, ignoring the blood that bubbles up in their wake. He’s been out for 8 days and Rey has been a prisoner of The First Order. He feels sick to his stomach at the thought of Karyan perverting her, seducing her to the darkness. Or worse.

He panics then, reaching for her, searching for her force signature in the back of his mind. It’s empty, a shell where her light had been. He doesn’t know what that means, had Karyan...he swallows and closes his eyes for a moment, not wanting to think about it. There’s still time, they can still save her.

“Ben!” His mother shouts in surprise, watching almost helplessly as he swings his legs over the side of the bed. 

Rey is the only thing on his mind. Helping her, rescuing her from his sister and The First Order. All she had wanted was for him to take her back to Jakku, but instead he ignored her request in favor of pursuing his own agenda. Now Rey was in danger due to his own selfishness. Why hadn’t he just taken her back to Jakku? She would be safe there with her friend Finn, without the droid.

Leia places a hand on his forearm and he slows for a moment, catching his breath. Moving so quickly after being bedridden for 8 days had not been a good idea. He can feel his adrenaline wearing down, leaving exhaustion in its wake. 

He turns to his mother, meeting her eyes and trying to regain his composure. He won’t be able to rescue Rey if he doesn’t slow down so he can understand the situation. He looked at his mother expectantly, noticing for the first time how exhausted she looked. He stares at her, eyes searching her face and narrowing with suspicion.

It wasn’t like his mother to look so uncomely. She was strong, stronger than anyone he had ever known. Now she looked worn out, her normally impeccable hair disheveled, her clothing wrinkled and ill-fitting, the circles under her eyes so dark they looked like bruises on her skin. 

“What happened to you?” He asks, “Have you even slept?” Leia nods at him slowly.

“I’ve slept,” she tells him, “I fear I’ve done nothing but sleep.” 

Ben watched her a moment longer, she would not meet his gaze. It was then that Ben knew what she had done for him, the sacrifice his mother made. She used the force to speed up his healing. She had drawn her own power from within herself in order to make him whole, to ensure that he would live. It was stupid, it was reckless—she could have died. 

“You shouldn’t have done this,” he tells her, fear and rage rising up inside of him, “Mother, you have a Resistance to command!” 

“I wasn’t going to let my son die!” she shouts at him, albeit weakly. Her voice is soft and hoarse, almost lost in the sound of Ben’s blood rushing through his ears.

He searches her face, a frown forming on his lips. What she had done was stupid and dangerous, even for a Jedi who had been fully trained in the ways of The Force. Let alone someone like her who was untrained in her abilities. She could have been killed. However, he was grateful to her, eternally grateful for what she’d done. 

He lunges forward suddenly, pulling her into a tight embrace. 

Leia gasps in surprise, tensing in her son’s arms. Then, little by little she allows herself to relax, resting her cheek against his chest and sighing softly. It has been far too long since she had been able to hold her son. 

“Thank you,” he whispers into her hair. 

Before he knows it, they’re both crying, caught up in the moment. He had almost forgotten how much he missed her and how good it feels to have her near. 

“I’m sorry,” he admits when the tears aren’t enough, pulling away slightly and staring down at her. 

He can see the tears in her eyes, falling quickly down her cheeks, in awe of him. 

“Mother, I’m so sorry.” His voice is deep, strangled almost as she pulls him back down to her. He buries his face in her shoulder, letting his weakness overcome him. 

She runs her hands through his hair and shushes him softly. The same way she did when he had nightmares as a child. It only serves to make him cry harder, holding onto her for dear life. He feels it the moment he breaks, trembling helplessly against her while she comforts him. 

“I forgive you,” she whispers the moment he pulls away, eyes searching his face for a moment, “I hope you can forgive me as well. For how I was after Bea…” she trails off then, looking away before she continues, “I lost my daughter, but I still had my son and I...I felt like I had lost everything with her.”

“I should have never left you,” Ben confesses, “I was young and foolish and I wanted to run away. I couldn’t bear to hurt you anymore. You looked at me like I was a ghost, like you could see her in my face.” Leia looks to him again, meeting his gaze, he offers her a sad smile in return.

“Of course I forgive you, mother. You did nothing wrong. You were grieving and I left you. We all left you.”

“You’re here now,” she says with a soft smile. He nods, smiling back at her.

“I’m here now,” He repeats, and he doesn’t plan on leaving anytime soon.

“Even if you do have to leave with your father and Finn as soon as we’re done here.” She finishes her sentence, a bit sheepish. 

Ben looks at her as if she’s lost her mind. He was in no position to do anything of the sort. He’s been fully healed, yes, but he has also been bedridden for 8 days. His body and mind are still recovering. His strength is nearly gone, both mentally and physically, this would be dangerous. 

“What?” He asks. He just woke up and she’s sending him away again? He thought he would get more time with her, that he would have more time to prepare himself.

“Finn has been waiting rather impatiently for you to wake up, I’m afraid we’re running out of time to rescue Rey and avoid another attack on The Republic.” She frowns then, realizing her son has no idea what transpired in the days he had been recovering. 

“The First Order attacked The Republic?” Ben asks, concerned, “How many were lost?” 

Leia looks at him again, her eyes filled with sadness and grief. 

“Four planets, Ben. The Order decimated four whole planets.” 

Ben swallows thickly, his eyes wide with fear.

“How?” he croaks, his mouth and throat suddenly dry.

“Starkiller, a giant base similar to the Death Star,” she sighs, small hands clenching into fists against her thighs, “And I’m afraid D’Qar is their next target. They’ll destroy us in a few short days if you, Finn, and Han can’t infiltrate the base and lower the shields so we can put a stop to it.”

“Why didn’t you just send them without me?” Ben asks, they wasted a whole week on this intel, and for what?

“The plan wasn’t fully formed until now, Ben,” Leia says, “We do still make plans before we attack giant military bases.” 

“I understand,” he says, nodding at her. The timing wasn’t ideal, but he finds himself somewhat glad they wanted to include him in this plan. Despite his current state, he likes feeling as though he is a part of something again. All these years he and his father spent running away, trying not to get involved in this senseless war felt wasted now. 

“My saber,” Ben begins, remembering that Karyan took it from him as a trophy on Takodana, “B-Karyan took it from me on Takodana, I…” He trails off, catching the sad look in his mother’s eyes at the mention of his sister. 

“I need another weapon,” he finishes and Leia nods at him. The look of sadness disappearing from her face as she motions to a bag on the floor near her feet. 

“I happen to have just the thing,” she tells him, reaching into the bag and pulling out a light saber. His grandfather’s light saber. She hands it to him and he tests the weight of it in his hands, it wasn’t going to be the same as wielding his saber staff, but he had been trained how to use a saber like this first. 

He touches the hilt, feeling it whisper gently in his mind, the same way it had when he and Rey had discovered it on Takodana. He can feel the spirits within it and he shivers. This blade had slain more than Sith, it had slain young Jedi as well. 

It somehow seems fitting considering he had almost found himself on the path to darkness as well. He had almost lost himself in the manipulations of Snoke when he was a young padawan, but in the end, his sister had chosen that path instead. Even though Snoke had made a bid for him first, whispering in his head for him to slay the other Jedi Padawans, to bring the temple Luke had built to ruin. He had fought it, he had gone to Luke, he had pleaded for his guidance.

He could still remember the way Luke had seemed so surprised, but his mother had known all along. She had sensed the darkness in both him and Bea from a very young age, getting louder and louder as they got older. Ultimately they were too late for her, by the time Ben could no longer fight it and had gone to find help, Bea had already given up and submitted to the dark side.

The image of her standing there amongst the dead bodies of the other padawans with her newly formed red saber burning brightly in the night still haunted him. She had bid him to come to her, to follow her to the darkness, the promise of power beyond his wildest dreams whipping through the air around them. 

That was the first time he had raised his own saber against his sister. 

“Are you ready?” His mother asks him, watching as he stares at the saber in silent reverence. 

He nods at her, standing and igniting the blue blade. He stares at it in awe, and out of the corner of his eye, he can see the awed expression of his mother as well. She can sense the blood on it as he can, through the force. But there is no sadness here between them, instead there is the promise of redemption. Because now, here his grandfather’s saber was, in his hand, waiting to be wielded against the dark side for the first time in far too long.

“I am,” Ben tells her, powering the saber down and setting it on the bed beside him. She nods at him, handing him the entire satchel now. 

“There’s a change of clothing in there,” she says, pausing for a moment as her hand lingers on the bag she’s pressed into his abdomen. Ben could tell she was choked up about this, having him leave again so soon after returning. On a dangerous mission he may not come back from, no less. 

“Thank you, mother,” he whispers, leaving his fear and unrest unspoken. He fears he would not be coming back alive. He barely escaped with his life on Takodana, cornering Karyan at her “home” would only serve to make her more dangerous.

He takes the first item of clothing from the bag, a worn leather jacket he’s certain belonged to his father in his younger days. He smiles at that, placing it on the bed behind him and pulling out a long-sleeved white shirt and black trousers. With this he would be the spitting image of his father when he had met his mother all those years ago during the war between The Empire and The Rebels. His eyes blur over, filling with moisture while his mother watches him.

“You’re welcome, son,” she says, knowing what this means to him. Something as simple as clothing could mean so much. She turns to leave him then, walking to the door so that he can get ready for the impending mission. She would brief him soon on the actual plan, but for now he should attend to his own personal needs. 

The first thing he does when she leaves is make his way to the ‘fresher. He’s been laying in a bed for 8 days, and while the droids tried their best to clean his wounds and rid him of the dried blood from Takodana, he could still feel the grime against his skin. More than that, he could feel sweat caked from his nightmares, and he could almost smell the stench of death on his skin. He had come so close to never waking up again.

He stands under the spray of the ‘fresher for a long time, letting the heat of the water rush over his skin. He knows he doesn’t have time to be doing something so wasteful at the expense of the resistance, but he makes no move to rush. He needs this. If for nothing else than a moment of contemplation and comfort. 

He lets his mind wander, thinking back to what he believed to be his final moments on Takodana. If he had died there his life would have felt so unfulfilled and empty. He still has a mission to complete, a mission to save Rey from the same darkness that constantly plagues him. He knows Karyan is likely torturing her until she breaks and the thought of it twists his stomach into knots. 

He reaches for her again through the force, but the connection is still empty. A void of darkness in the back of his mind, there is no way that could be her. She had been so bright when they first met. She was almost blinding when he felt her on Takodana, she can’t have been swayed to the darkness so easily. Rey was stronger than that. Her will was iron, he felt it when she had been in his head. 

Unless…

He stops his train of thought then, slamming his fists against the wall of the ‘fresher to bring himself back into the present. He shuts the water off and steps out of the refresher, trying desperately not to think of what will happen to Rey on Starkiller if she continues to fight against Snoke and his armies. 

He makes his way back into the room he has been assigned for recovery, towel tied loosely around his waist. It takes an almost herculean effort to keep his thoughts from Rey’s current predicament and to stop himself from wondering why the strange connection they had forged on Takodana is now dark. He doesn’t want to know, not really, he doesn’t want to think about it until it’s too late. If she’s been killed…

He swallows hard, grabbing for the clothes he has laid out on the bed and trying to ignore the panicked beating of his heart. 

The clothing is thicker than his normal dress, white shirt and leather jacket lined with some sort of material meant to protect him against blows in hand-to-hand combat. The trousers are lined with the same material, and they feel heavy and thick on his legs. 

He smiles softly, grateful to whoever had the foresight to do this for him. Though he has a feeling it was his mother. 

He dresses slowly, still trying to get a feel for any residual injury in his body. He finds none and it troubles him for a number of reasons. He saw how weak his mother had been when he woke up. She was sickly pale and barely able to stand up. His stomach churns, filling with guilt at what she had done for him. He didn’t deserve this sort of thing from her. Not after he had abandoned her right after she lost her only daughter to Snoke.

There’s a knock on the door, effectively cutting off his dangerous train of thought. He takes in a startled breath, pulling on the boots his mother left for him next to the bed before going to answer it. 

“Yes?” He asks, door sliding open to reveal Finn, Rey’s non-resistance-though he guessed that wasn’t quite the case right now-companion from the Millennium Falcon. He blinks in surprise, before a soft smile spreads across his lips. He opens his mouth to greet the other man, but is effectively cut off by Finn’s loud gasp.

“They told us you were alive, but I didn’t…” he pauses for a moment, gaze raking over Ben’s body, mentally cataloging his (lack of) wounds, “I didn’t believe it. I saw how you looked on Takodana, I’ve never seen anyone survive wounds like that.” 

Ben bites his lower lip and runs a hand through his hair nervously.

“What can I say?” He asks, voice smooth, “I’m resilient.” He doesn’t want to tell Finn what his mother had done for him, the way she had foolishly come close to sacrificing her own life so that he could live. His injuries had been severe, much too severe for him to heal so quickly, and without any intervention from his mother he may very well have died. 

“It looks like you were never even hurt,” Finn says and Ben knew what he was thinking. Not even a bacta tank would help him recover from those sorts of wounds so quickly. Ben shrugs.

Finn looks like he wants to continue the conversation and press him further, but is interrupted by one of the resistance’s pilots. He is still a ways off, but Ben is certain he knows exactly who he is.

“Ben Solo!” the man shouts from down the hallway. Ben feels his lips curl upwards into a smile when he realizes that he’s right. His heart beats loudly in his chest as he watches him. His tanned skin, curly hair, and brilliant smile are exactly the same as he remembers.

“Poe Dameron,” he responds, taking off in a run towards the pilot. Next to him, Finn begins to protest, but both men ignore him. 

“You’ve been gone for too long!” Poe shouts, almost falling into Ben’s open arms as they collide in the hall. 

“It hasn’t been that long,” Ben says softly, pressing his forehead against Poe’s in a motion that is so intimate and familiar it makes Finn’s skin crawl. Finn makes a noise of surprise. 

“It’s been long enough,” Poe says, pulling back to stare up at Ben, he punches the taller man in the arm as hard as he can. 

Ben yelps, releasing Poe so he can rub his upper arm and glare down at the pilot. Finn nearly sighs in relief when the intimate moment dissolves into anger between them. 

“Don’t you ever do that to me again, Ben Solo,” Poe shouts, “I thought you were dead!” 

Ben’s expression softens and he reaches out to fold the pilot back in his arms again. Poe goes willingly, burying his face in Ben’s shoulder. He accepts the comfort, much to Finn’s dismay. The familiarity between them makes him uncomfortable in more ways than one.

Poe angles his face upwards, arms winding around Ben’s neck as the other man bent to reach him. Poe watches him with flushed cheeks from beneath his eyelashes and Ben smiles, struck by a sudden need to be closer to him. He leans his head downward, lips parted in the same way Finn’s had been in the days prior. 

Finn’s heart pounds uncomfortably in his chest when he sees Ben Solo brush his lips across Poe’s. The pilot blushes, eyes wide before he jerks his head back and shoves the taller man away. 

Ben looks hurt and confused as Poe wipes his lips on the back of his hand. Finn watches on in horror as this unfolds before him. Poe shakes his head at Ben, laughing harshly in the silence of the hallway. 

“You’ve been gone for years, Ben,” Poe says softly, by way of explanation, “Did you really think I wouldn’t move on?”

On some level, Ben knows that is exactly what he expected. On another, more selfish level, he expected things to stay the same without him. He also expected this of his mother, something he told himself to force the guilt and fear of leaving her away when he found it hard to sleep at night. He realizes he had done the same for Poe.

They’re older now, he knows. He’s also moved on without him, grown up and had his own fair share of other romances. He should have known better.

“I didn’t think-” He tries, but Finn clears his throat nearby. 

“Are the two of you finished?” He asks, voice hoarse and strained. Poe and Ben turn away from each other, leaving the rest of their one-sided conversation unsaid, to look at Finn who is practically seething. 

“We’re finished,” Poe says, moving further away from Ben to approach the younger man. Finn watches him approach for a moment, gaze flicking back over the pilot’s shoulder to glare at Ben. Ben grows hot beneath his gaze, blushing in embarrassment at how he treated Poe. 

“Are you alright?” Ben asks after a moment, understanding that Finn was the person Poe had moved on with. In hindsight, he realizes he should have already known what would happen next.

Ben can see the moment Finn breaks. His fist coming up, colliding with Ben’s jaw and knocking him back on his ass. Ben lets out a soft noise of surprise, clutching his face as he stares up at the former storm trooper in awe. 

Several long moments of stunned silence pass between the three of them. Finn is still seething, cheeks red, and actively trying not to look at Poe, who appears mortified next to him. Ben, for his part, is impressed. He hasn’t been knocked on his ass by a human who isn’t force sensitive in a very long time.

“Well done,” Ben says at last, a soft chuckle escaping his lips, knowing full well that he deserved that. Finn looks even more angry. It does nothing to stifle Ben’s laughter however, and he begins to laugh in earnest. He clutches at his sides, tilting his head back and he begins to howl. 

Poe stares at both of them. Finn’s face contorted in rage, Ben laughing himself into insanity before them. It doesn’t take Poe long to give in to the laughter himself, despite the situation. The sheer absurdity of it is not lost on him, he supposes. It starts as an almost coughing laugh before he too tilts his head back, leaning against the nearest wall and laughing in earnest. Finn stares at both of them in annoyed disbelief, his lips quirking upwards into a smile.

Soon, they hear Finn begin to laugh as well. The tension between them breaking and fading away as their laughter echoes through the hallway.

“What happened here?” Leia Organa asks, taking in the scene before her: noticing the disheveled look of her son and the way Finn’s laughter seems more tense and confused than the other two. 

Their laughter dies immediately, leaving the hallway in eerie silence. Ben clamors to his feet immediately. His lip is split and his eye has already begun to swell and bruise. Finn gives him an apologetic look when he turns around to face his mother.

If Leia was surprised by the fact that Ben’s lip had already been split open moments after being released from a hospital room, she didn’t show it. Instead she purses her lips and knits her brows together. Ben wipes the blood from his lip on the back of his hand. 

“Well?” She asks, “Don’t make me repeat myself.” She looks at Dameron and he shifts uncomfortably under her gaze. She turns to Finn. He opens his mouth to speak, but Ben beats him to it.

“It would seem I’ve overstepped my bounds,” Ben begins, meeting his mother’s eyes, “I wasn’t aware that Finn and Poe were a, um, couple.” Poe coughs to hide his surprise and Finn lets out an odd high-pitched noise. Ben has to cover his mouth and fake a cough to keep from laughing. 

“We’re not…” Finn starts, cheeks burning red. 

“Oh?” Ben asks, raising an eyebrow. Finn blushes more, if that were possible, and makes a point of staring down at the floor. Poe, for his part, blushes as well, before he considers the younger man, eyeing Finn from top to bottom. Leia looks unconvinced and slightly perturbed. 

“Are you saying Finn hit you?” Leia asks. Ben turns back to her, shaking his head.

“I’m saying Poe punched me in the face for being a fracking ass,” Ben informs her easily, earning a soft chuckle of surprise from the pilot himself. Finn looks as though he’s going to protest.

“You can’t just expect to pick up where you left off when you’ve been gone for five years, Ben,” Poe scolds him, playing along. He rubs his fist for good measure. 

Leia sighs. They didn’t have time to waste on such trivial matters, so she will ignore whatever happened here in favor of briefing the three boys on their mission. 

“Fine,” Leia says, raising her hand to silence the three of them, “Let’s brief Ben on the mission, Finn, the four of you leave within the hour.” Ben nearly chokes on his surprise. 

“Within the hour?” Ben asks at the same time Finn asks “The four of us?” 

“Yes,” Leia responds, a simple answer to both of them before motioning for them to follow her down the hall. Poe moves to follow as well, but Leia waves him off.

“You have your orders, Dameron. Go get your team ready.”

“Yes, General,” Poe responds, chewing his bottom lip as he stares longingly after the former storm trooper. They would have to discuss whatever happened between them at a later date, much to his dismay. He would be departing soon, and he wouldn’t see Finn until after the mission was complete. 

He regrets not kissing him in the barracks. That was something he absolutely should have done. He had been so uncertain then, but now that he knew it was too late for him to do anything about it. At least, until they came out on the other side of the battle of Starkiller. 

He can wait, he decides. It’ll be worth it.

*

It’s strange being briefed by the resistance. Ben never wanted to be a part of it before, even though he grew up with his mother being constantly involved in intergalactic politics. It seems so wrong for him to be involved. And yet he had found his purpose here, his beliefs aligned with that of his mother’s. This was more his home now than anywhere else in the galaxy had ever been.

“You, Chewbacca, Han, and Ben will infiltrate the base and lower the shields,” Leia begins, explaining to Finn that it would not be just himself and Ben landing on Starkiller. If they wanted use of the Millennium Falcon, Chewbacca and his father had insisted on coming with them. 

Ben assumed they would, his father and uncle had accompanied him on every mission for the past 5 years, why would this be any different?

“The more people that come with us, the easier it is for us to be spotted,” Finn argues. Leia frowns at him.

“What’s done is done, Finn,” she tells him, “There is no time to make changes now.”

“Yes, General,” Finn responds, though he looks like he wants to argue the issue further. 

“After you deactivate the shields, Poe and his team will destroy the weapon. After that, the planet will be unstable and possibly begin to fall apart. We need you off the base before Poe’s team begins their assault.”

“Understood,” Finn responds. 

Leia looks at Ben for confirmation then. He nods at her. It seems simple enough in theory, most of the planning had already been done while he was injured. There wasn’t much for him to do other than listen and agree with the plan the resistance and Finn had come up with. And it was a solid plan. Well, is the four of them somehow manage not get themselves killed while infiltrating Starkiller base, that is.

He needs to hide his force signature as best he can without formal training. He hopes Karyan still believes she ended his life on Takodana, so seeing him alive would be a surprise for her. He needs to get the upper hand or their inevitable fight will be another blood bath. 

“Are you ready?” Han asks from the doorway. Ben didn’t even heard him enter, “We don’t have much time.” Ben stands first, followed by Finn. They both exchange glances, expressions somber. 

“Let’s go get Rey back,” Ben says, clipping his grandfather’s light saber to his belt. Finn nods in response, determined to rescue his friend from the clutches of The First Order. Ben nods back at him, turning to look at his father and his uncle.

“Long live the resistance,” he says, a smile spreading across his face.

*

There was something great and powerful within her. Something Karyan recognized the moment she’d laid eyes on her in that interrogation chair over a week ago. Now, they stood side-by-side, waiting in silence for Rey to take her first steps into the darkness.

The hologram of Snoke looms above them, staring down at her curiously. Rey’s emotions flitted through the air around them. Karyan could feel Rey’s inner turmoil as if it were her own. She was terrified beneath the cold, dark gaze of the Supreme Leader. Karyan flinches and shifts nervously as Rey’s emotions bombarded her. No doubt Snoke could feel them too. 

They all stand in silence, Snoke measuring her up for what she is. Her light is buried deep now, cloaked in the darkness that is the lifeblood of the base they reside in. She’s tarnished by it now. The grey chasm within her torn asunder by the beginning of their training. 

Rey has taken to using Ben’s dual-sided blade better than Karyan could have ever imagined. It was as if she has trained in the art of lightsaber combat before. 

“She is strong?” Snoke asks, though Karyan knows he has already sensed it. She nods her head in confirmation.

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Karyan affirms. Snoke’s beady eyes return to the scavenger. 

“We shall see,” Snoke responds, his dark eyes boring into Karyan, “Leave us.” 

Karyan tenses for a moment, she can feel Rey’s fear. She knows what is coming for her, but she does not disobey her master’s order. 

Rey stands stoic and unmoving as Karyan slips past her. Her face is impassive, her head held high. Karyan wants to remember her like this. 

Before she can exit the chamber, however, while the doors are still hissing open before her, Rey’s screams fill the air. Karyan tenses and falters in step for a moment before recovering, ‘lest her master deem it appropriate to punish her for lingering too long. Then, she steps through the doorway, letting it close behind her, banishing Rey to her fate. The closed doors do nothing to swallow the panicked sounds of Rey’s shrieking.

Karyan keeps walking away from the chamber, her shoulders tense, hands twitching uselessly at her sides. No matter how far she walks down the hallway, she can still hear the sound of Rey’s screams. She shakes her head, trying to rid herself of the compassion she feels rising up inside. 

She will go to the other side of the base if she needs to in order to escape the guilt that is rising in her chest in the wake of the young girl’s screaming. She will not disobey orders.

She would not interfere. This would undoubtedly be Rey’s first real steps forward into the darkness. Her training from before paling in comparison to what Snoke could give her. The mastery he could bring her over her emotions, over her connection to the dark side. In order to eliminate the grey chasm, casting Rey into infinite darkness, there would need to be pain. Snoke would need to erase who she was before first, molding her into something better. 

At least, that’s what Karyan tells herself.

More shrieking fills the corridor and Karyan finds herself walking faster to escape the sound, guilt threatening to claw its way free. She squeezes her eyes shut, remembering her training. It doesn’t matter what emotions well up in her chest at the thought of Rey being exposed to the same torture and pain she is on a regular basis. There is nothing that can make Karyan disobey a direct order. 

She’s on the other side of the base before she realizes, too late, there is nowhere she can go that is far enough for her to escape the screaming. The scavenger is in her head. 

Her master has chosen to punish her after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Social Media:  
> Tumblr: http://kylawren.tumblr.com  
> Twitter: http://twitter.com/diaryofphasma  
> Webcomic: http://unfinishedcomic.com  
> DeviantART: http://kylowren.deviantart.com  
> BadFic & Kylo Ren Sings: http://badfic.space


	9. Follow You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A battle, a rescue, mutually assured destruction. The penultimate chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL LOOK WHAT THE FRICK FRACK SNICK SNACK UPDATED. It's only half edited because I've been sitting on this for too long. Sorry guys.

They’re on the Millennium Falcon before any of them are even ready.  

Ben is tense and terrified at the prospect of seeing his sister again, and so soon after she just tried— and almost succeeded at—ending his life, but he knows that rescuing Rey is a priority.  The First Order cannot get their hands on another force user, not when everyone else like him had been hunted to near extinction with the rise of the order. The First Order tarnishes and destroys every good thing it touches, and he won’t let it happen to Rey.

She had the potential to be powerful, more powerful than he or Karyan could ever dream of becoming.  Snoke had no doubt sensed her power already.  And he knew, even now, that the 8 days she had been their captive was more than enough time for them for figure out just how to break her.  He’s on edge for every second of the Falcon’s ascent into the atmosphere of D’Qar.

Everyone around him is tense as well.  He can feel Finn’s fear and anguish building, his father’s apprehension of completing another mission, and Chewbacca’s growing concern.  This mission feels doomed from the start, he knows, but there’s no place he would rather be.  He has to guess it’s the same for everyone else as well, despite his father’s apprehension.

In the back of his head, there’s a static that has never been there before since he and Rey had found the saber together on Takodana and forged their bond.  Even in her absence, even with her shrouded in the darkness of the Starkiller base, he could feel her, distant but alive, but now where she was felt empty. 

The ship shook and sputtered as it left the atmosphere of D’Qar for open space.  Ben watched the planet fade to a pinprick of light in the background.  He thought about his mother, how she was alone, how he and his father were leaving her behind again after just returning.  The mission they had been sent on was nothing short of extremely dangerous.  And deep down he knew, there was a chance that neither one of them would be able to see her again.  

He turned to watch the back of his father’s head, the image of D’Qar being replaced by the deep blue of hyperspace.  They would be on Starkiller in a matter of hours at this point, he knew.  He selfishly hoped the trip would take longer, that he would have more time to prepare to face Karyan again.  But there was no time left, he would just have to accept the way things were.  

_ Anything to rescue Rey.   _

The idea of Snoke breaking Rey in to The First Order made his skin crawl. She would not even be given a choice, Snoke would change her to his will, forcing her to accept the dark side as he had tried all those years ago with him.  It had almost worked, something he was still ashamed to admit, but Karyan had broken first.  She had saved him from that fate.  

It still didn’t stop him from wishing he had been the one to go.  

His father turned to look at him over his shoulder, captain’s seat creaking and protesting with the movement of his body.  Ben met his eyes, and Han frowned at him.  Ben looked lost, he knew.  Lost in the static of his new connection with this woman he had just met, and the feeling of his mother’s force signature moving farther and farther away from him as he ultimately made his way toward what could be his undoing.  

“Ben?” His father asked, prompting both Chewbacca and Finn to also turn towards him.  He shut his eyes and shook his head to get his emotions under control.  He clenched and unclenched his fists at his side, taking a sharp breath in through his nose and chewing his bottom lip.  

The plan Finn had come up with would work, he knew it would work.  None of them would have to die on Starkiller.  They would find Rey, they would free her, and  _ none of them would die _ .

“Are you okay, man?” Finn asked. 

Ben opened his eyes again and nodded.  

“I’m fine,” he responded, forcing a smile onto his lips, “I’m just worried about Rey.”  He didn’t bring up the connection he felt in the back of his head.  The connection that felt almost numbed, subdued by the lack of her light filtering in and out of his head.

Finn nodded in agreement and turned to face forward again, his expression tense.  Ben watched as Finn clenched his jaw in contemplation, his eyes a torrent of emotions as he stared at the blue light of space.  The younger man’s head is beaded with sweat, and he appeared almost  _ troubled _ .  Ben says nothing to him, uncertain of how to broach this topic.  He could see the young man’s worry, could feel it in the air around them.  Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to ask him about it.  He’s certain he would have only gotten a half answer anyways.  

Instead, he turned away from Finn and his father and stared awkwardly at a nearby seat, that used to belong to Karyan.  The thought of her on that ship makes his stomach drop.  She had nearly  _ killed _ him and there he was feeling sorry for her.     

Perhaps he should be grateful at his near death experience.  This would at least give them the element of surprise.  He is almost certain Karyan Ren believes she killed him on Takodana.  Meaning, she definitely wouldn’t expect him to infiltrate Starkiller base to rescue Rey and destroy the order’s new super weapon toy.

* * *

The ship crash landed. Well, it was really more like his father  **propeled**  the ship into the planet on purpose by not disengaging the hyperdrive.  And despite any protests and screaming of the passengers on board, specifically Finn, the smuggler did nothing to prevent this inevitable crash landing.  There was no way he was going to let them be detected by The First Order, effectively killing the mission before it even began.  

Finn was  _ livid _ .

Ben, on the other hand, was taking everything in stride.  This wasn’t the first time he had been exposed to one of his father’s absurd plans.  This wasn’t even the first time his father had purposely crash-landed the Millennium Falcon,  Though, he had to admit it had never been because he hadn’t disengaged the hyperdrive.  

The enormous planet flying towards them at the speed of light and crashing into several feet of snow was definitely not his favorite thing.  Especially not now that he knew they would likely have to dig themselves out in order to get into the base.  

“Better than sand,” Finn mutters next to him as they waited for his father and uncle to join them. Ben chuckles and nods his head in agreement.  Anything was better than sand, it was coarse and rough and it got  _ everywhere _ .

Though, when his father opened the hatch doors without warning, raining a mountain of snow down on himself and Finn, he didn’t know if he still stood by that.  At least sand wasn’t  _ cold _ or  _ wet _ .  

Next to him, Finn cursed loudly, jumping up and down, and flailing wildly in order to remove the snow from his upper body.  His father laughs loudly in the background, followed by the loud chortling growls of his uncle, the two of them almost doubling over while they watched.  

Ben stood still beneath the snow, shocked and irritated by this current development, trying to gather himself and prevent the rage he felt building.  Though, when his father and Chewbacca’s laughter got louder, he gathered the force around him and flung the snow from both him and Finn towards them, burying them both with a huff of annoyance.

It did nothing to stop their laughter.  If anything the two of them began to laugh louder, nearly slipping and falling on the floor whilst trying to brush the snow off of them.  His father clutched at his sides and Chewbacca roared merrily next to them.

After awhile both he and Finn joined in, unable to stay angry at Han Solo’s clever prank.  

He laughed until his sides ached, until there were tears in his eyes, until he almost couldn’t stay upright anymore.  Next to him, Finn was in the same state. Ben couldn’t help but think this was the last time any of them would ever be this happy.

* * *

Inside the bowels of the base, they met little to no resistance.  Most of the troops would be preparing for the future attack on D’Qar, and any that did run into them proved to be no match for simple force manipulation, a technique Ben had mastered ages ago.

Though he did find a few of Finn’s whispered questions to him concerning.  The former storm trooper, that came up with the plan for them to infiltrate Starkiller base and disable the shields, didn’t seem to know exactly where the shield controls were.  Ben decided to overlook this, however, when many of the troops they ran into were  _ very _ forthcoming with this information.  

Though, he had to wonder, what exactly had Finn done here if these low level troops they kept meeting in the hallways were privy to this information.  He didn’t have much to time to ponder that line of thinking, however.  He needed to be fully focussed and dedicated to this mission, it was  _ his _ mission after all.  Or, at least, that was how he was beginning to think of it.  

They move through the base swiftly, only stopping when they have to.  Though, it becomes apparent quickly that they are beginning to get lost.  It’s been too long since they encountered anyone worthwhile on the ship, and most of Ben’s probing is met with confusion.  He can tell his father and Chewbacca are getting antsy, and losing faith in Finn’s ability to navigate them through the Starkiller base.  

After the next corner, Finn hesitated a little too long and he can hear his father inhale sharply, ready to say what everyone else is thinking.  However, before Han can voice his annoyance and discomfort, a tall chrome stormtrooper with a black cloak rounded the corner of the hallway at the opposite end.  

Upon seeing them, the trooper halted at the end of the hall, presumably staring at them.  Next to him, Finn gasped softly.  Ben watched him out of the corner of his eyes.  Finn hadn’t made a peep when they ran into any of the other troopers.  No, there was something special about this one.  Though, that should have been made obvious by the difference in the armor.  This trooper must be a high ranking officer of some sort.  

“FN-2187,” the trooper said, voice smooth and feminine.  

“Phasma,” Finn said in response.  Phasma clicked her tongue behind her mask, the sound coming out distorted and loud.

“Captain Phasma,” She corrected.  Finn shook his head, chuckling.

“Not anymore,” he told her.  Ben can’t help but smile.

Phasma opened her mouth to reply, but Ben cut her off, raising his hand to manipulate her as he had the past troopers through the force.  However, Finn spoke first, breaking the connection Ben had began establishing between them.  Finn placed himself between Ben and the stormtrooper Captain.  

“I’m the boss now, Phasma,” Finn responded, his voice low.  Ben felt the air ripple around them and he jerked his head to look at the former stormtrooper that stood proud in front of him.

“You’re the boss now,” Phasma repeated back mechanically. 

Ben blinked in surprise, looking to his father and uncle to see if anyone else had noticed the gravity of what had just transpired there.  Neither of them looked as though they understood what Finn had done.  Ben isn’t entirely sure Finn understands himself.

Ben said nothing.

“Now,” Finn said, a grin on his face, it’s obvious that he’s enjoying this, “You’re going to lower the shields.”  

The force twists and moves around them like it’s alive.  Stretching and growing in shades of grey and blue.  Phasma paused for a moment, as though she wanted protest, but she doesn’t.  Instead, she repeated Finn’s orders back to him and turned to complete the task he ordered of her.  

This time his father and Chewbacca do exchange a glance.  

* * *

They dump Phasma in a trash compactor.  A nod to his father’s adventure that lead him to meeting his mother and his Uncle Luke.  As a kid Ben had always liked that story, and now he would get to semi-live it.

Being on this type of adventure with his father was so much different from being on smuggling missions.  Now they were working for a cause, working towards a goal that bettered the whole galaxy and not just a goal that would line their pockets. 

Though the stakes were much higher now, Ben felt that it was worth it.  He should have been helping his mother for years now.  He regretted every moment that he wasn’t by her side, fighting for their family, fighting for B-- _ Karyan _ .  

They’re in another maze of hallways when he felt it.  When he felt  _her_. 

“Ben Solo,” a light, accented voice says from behind them.  Something about the way she says his name makes his hair stand on end.  

Both he and Finn turn at the same time to see Rey standing there a few feet away.  She holds his saber staff in her hands, drawn, but not ignited.  

“Rey,” he and Finn respond at the same time, both of their voices breathless and filled with hope.  But the way she doesn’t react at the sight of them gives both Ben and Finn pause.  

She grips the hilt of his saber harder, knuckles turning white, hands trembling.

Ben takes a step forward, his hand raised and at the ready to pull his weapon from her hand.  His saber trembles in her grasp, but she doesn’t let go.  Ben watches as her hands twist around the hilt, moving it lower and positioning it away from her.  

He feels the change in her, the way she breathes in the darkness as if it were her lifeline.  She’s been blocked off from him, hidden in the pitch blackness of the Starkiller base.  He can feel the darkness twist around them like it’s alive, trying to force itself into him like a poison.  The same way it had now poisoned her.

“Rey…” Ben said, his voice low and filled with warning.  Next to him, Finn shifted awkwardly, his hands twitching by his sides, not sure of how to handle a situation like this one.

Ben wanted to tell him to leave, but Rey growled in frustation, bringing his attention back to her.  She stalked closer to him, sending Finn flying back into the wall with a  _ crack _ .  Ben turns his head over his shoulder to see the former stormtrooper now slumped against the wall, unconscious.  

He swallowed hard and turns back to Rey, watching her advance on him.  

“Rey, what…” He tried, but she quiets him immediately.  

“You  _ left  _ me,” Rey hissed in accusation, igniting both sides of his saber and brandishing it against him.  Ben took a shaky step back, watching the intensity in her eyes, the hatred for him that burned there.  But it was so much more than that, he had seen this same intensity, this same expression of disgust and loathing in someone else’s eyes, this feeling wasn’t Rey’s at all, it was  _ Karyan’s. _

“I don’t know what they told you, Rey,” Ben said, his voice shaky as he tries to gain his footing, “but I didn’t leave you, I wouldn’t have done that.”  He watches her like she’s a predator ready to strike.  

She’s wound tight, her hands gripping at his saber so tightly he’s worried she’ll cut her palms open on the metal hilt.  Her whole body trembles with the effort, her chest heaving with every breath she takes.  

“Liar,” she hissed, so softly he almost doesn’t hear it.  Then she’s lunging at him, saber gripped tightly, spinning above her head before she brings it down to slash the air between them.  He’s almost thrown backwards onto his ass trying to escape from the blow.  

“Rey, I…” He tried, but she’s on him again, slashing and cutting the air between them.  He has yet to ignite his own weapon, not willing to brandish it against her.  This is something his sister has done to her.

“Shut up,” she told him, her voice low and dangerous.  She spins, slashing at him again, catching him in the thigh with the red end of his saber.  He yelps in pain and jumps back again.  This time he does draw the saber at his hip, igniting the blade if for nothing else than to defend himself against her blows.

“This isn’t you, Rey,” He tried, blocking her weapon as she brings it down on him again.  She screams in frustration, the same way Karyan would have.  His chest feels tight at the sound, he grips his own weapon more firmly.  

She spun away from him, ducking down and throwing more hits at his legs.  He meets her blow for blow, blocking every hit she tries to hand on him.  His thigh aches from the burn she inflicted on him earlier, but he refuses to let himself feel that pain.  

“You don’t know anything about me,” She countered through clenched teeth.  The blue end of his saber makes contact with his boot, the scent of singed animal hide filling the air around them.  He leaps back, the heat on his skin enough to make him cringe.  His boots held fast beneath the saber, saving his skin further torment.  

He realized she’s right.  He knew very little about her.  Beyond what he has felt in his mind, beyond knowing that their legacies are combined, that they are bonded through the force, he knows nothing about her.  

But he can see it, the hold Karyan has on her, the suggestion the placed there.  The Rey he met on the Millennium Falcon never had that sort of murderous intensity in her eyes.  Her eyes were hardened, mistrusting, but curious.  The woman who gazes back at him now is a stranger.  

“What did they do to you?” He asked.

“They made me better,” She responded readily.  And then he knew what this was, he knew exactly what they did to her.  

“No, Rey,” he said sadly with a shake of his head.  

She advanced on him again, her assault more powerful than ever, but her lack of training is evident.  He met her blows easily, trying desperately not to harm her as she had done to him.  This wasn’t Rey at all, this woman, she was a shell of herself, hollowed out through suggestion to take in the darkness.  

She was nothing more than a pawn in Snoke’s plot to rule the galaxy.  The same way his sister was, the same way he almost was.  

“Rey, you have to stop this,” Ben said, fighting off another of her attacks.  She’s backing him into the same wall she flung Finn against.  He’s doing nothing but defending himself, she, on the other hand, wants to make sure he will die by her hand.  

“I don’t have to stop anything,” she responded, pushing her weapon harder against his.  He gripped the hilt of his saber tight, pushing back into her to keep her from cutting him in two.  

Their eyes meet over the red and blue lights.  There’s a darkness in her eyes that he recognizes.  A demon so deep that it’s attached itself to her very soul.  He sees the same haunted look in the mirror.

“You’re a monster,” he whispered before he can stop himself. Rey tensed across from him, her arms and shoulders so tight he can see her trembling.  He regrets it the moment he says it.

She roars in frustration, thrusting out one of her hands, away from the dual blade she holds, and pulling his own saber from his grasp.  He’s surprised by the sudden movement, too slow to stop her from disarming him.  

“Rey,” he began, only to be cut off by her flinging him back against the wall.  He watched her advance on him.  Watched as she lowers the red blade of  _ his _ dual saber next to his throat and flings his grandfather’s saber to the side.

He thrusts his hand out to call the weapon back to him, eyes wide as it rolls from beside their feet over a ledge.  Rey pushes him back against the wall again, breaking his concentration and letting the saber fall into the abyss that is Starkiller.  

Ben’s gaze returns to her face.  She wields his own saber against him, his face bathed in a sinister red glow.  The heat from the blade scorching at his skin.  

“I’ll finally be rid of you,” she whispered as if she has gone mad.  Ben says nothing.  Instead, he tilts his head back, exposing his throat.

He raises his gaze to meet hers, his eyes defiant.  He knew there was a chance he wouldn’t come back from this.  He refuses to beg her to stop.  From what he can feel, the darkness rippling around her, she’s too far gone.

Next to him, Finn shifted on the floor.  He groaned, his eyelids fluttering open.

 

The first thing Finn notices when he’s come to is that Rey is standing over Ben with the other man’s lightsaber close to his throat.  The red glow from the end of the saber illuminates Ben’s skin as he and Rey stare at each other seemingly unblinking.

Ben looks defiant.  His chin is tilted upwards, his lips pursed, eyes narrowed.  It does nothing to hide his fear.  She draws his saber back in an arc over her head, the light from the dual blades dances around them, illuminating her dark eyes.  

He should be afraid, he knows.  She has him here, his sister  _ has _ him and she’s using Rey as a pawn to destroy him like she’s always wanted.  But all he feels in this moment is  _ acceptance _ .

Finn shuffled, a soft gasp escaping his lips.  Ben turned his head just slightly to look at the other man, his eyes are open wide, the light of the saber Rey holds dancing in them as he takes in the scene.  

“Rey,” Finn said, his voice hoarse and tinged with pain. 

Ben felt her break.  The sound of Finn’s voice bringing Rey back from the cage Karyan created for her in her mind.  She bites her tongue hard to hold back a scream.  Her hands are shaking now as she lowers Ben’s lightsaber and switches it off.  

Ben let out a breath, watching in silence as Rey shakily lowers herself to her knees.  There’s sweat beading on her forehead, her eyes wide and filled with regret.  

“I’m a monster,” she said quietly, more to herself than anyone else.  The thought that she had almost done something so abhorrent shakes her to her very core.  

“It’s not your fault,” he said, rising to his feet and offering her his hand.  

She stared at his hand for a moment before taking it and letting him help her up.  

“Finn,” she said, turning her attention to her fallen comerade, her voice soft and tinged with pain.  The realization of what she did to him settling in.  She feels ashamed.

Finn can hardly meet her gaze at first, still trying to regain his bearings.  His head aches from being thrown by her.  She says his name again, her voice almost shrill.  

“I’m alright,” he said to her, finally meeting her gaze, “I’m okay, Rey.”  She frowned at him, smoothing her hands over her knees and turning her gaze down to the floor of the bridge beneath them in shame.  

“It wasn’t your fault,” Finn said, echoing Ben’s earlier sentiment.  Rey bit her tongue and nodded at him, closing her eyes.  She had betrayed someone she had come to care about, just as she had betrayed herself to the dark side.  She felt sick, disgusted with herself.  

Ben could feel every moment of her anguish, her regret, and he welcomes it.  Feeling her in his head again - even if her light has been dimmed by the manipulation of his sister and The First Order - was euphoric.  

He moved forward when he sees the first tear fall from her eyelashes.  His hand is on her shoulder even before it rolls past the apple of her cheeks.  

“Hey,”  He said, his voice soft, turning her chin upwards so with his free hand without thinking.  Rey allowed this, she doesn’t put up any sort of fight.  Their connection buzzes between them, like static in the air.  

For a moment there is nothing and no one else surrounding them.  Their worlds narrow to one, much in the same way they had when he had protected her from a stray blaster bolt on Takodana.  The connection between them, the way he’s drawn to her, is one of the most intense feelings he has ever experienced.  

On Takodana, it had been an attraction, a link.  Now, it felt as though he were fighting the very strings of fate and destiny to deny this.  

Then, next to them Finn lets out a short, strangled cry, breaking the two of them free from whatever spell their link had put on them.  

Ben broke free first, his gaze snapping up from Rey, the warmth of her still there in the back of his mind, as the dark figure of Karyan Ren swims into focus.  She’s at the opposite end of the bridge Rey had fought him on.  

He opened his mouth to speak, to say something, anything.

“Bea!” Behind him, his father beats him to it.  Finn and Rey both jerk in surprise, but Ben stands completely still, his eyes locked on the monster that tried to kill him, tried to corrupt Rey.  He clenches his jaw, his eyes narrow.  

“Han Solo,” Karyan Ren responded, moving towards them, her heavy black boots thunking against the metal grating of the bridge as she advances.  

And Ben knews, with every step she takes towards them, without any shred of doubt, she has carved every last shred of light out of herself.  Her force signature is a bubbling black ooze, mixing with the inky blackness of the Starkiller base.  

“Bea is dead,” Karyan responded automatically, her voice strong, and sure, “She was weak, and foolish, so I burned her out of me.”  

The silence that follows is deafening.  


	10. Dead Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The exciting conclusion to the first part of Millennium.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HI! You didn't think I had forgotten, did you?

The five of them stand opposite of her, alert and tense.  Her words still ringing hollow in the space around them.  Ben can feel Rey’s obvious discomfort with Karyan Ren, just like he can feel his father’s shame, sadness, and ultimately curiosity.  

Then Han is moving, Ben can hear his footsteps loud and heavy against the metal of the bridge.  He’s moving closer and closer to where Ben stands with Rey and Finn, the three of them having moved towards the center of the bridge.  

Ben felt the telltale weight of fear rise in his chest.  This had been part of her plan, to isolate them, to get them all here, he knows that now.  Even though he’s certain it had all been an elaborate trap.  That they all inevitably fell for.  Karyan hadn’t even been surprised to see him here, alive and on The Starkiller Base.  She had known then, his gaze moves from Karyan for a moment, settling on Rey.  He should have realized Karyan would have already known he was alive.  She had seen inside of Rey’s mind, after all.  And there was no way he could have hidden himself from her. .

Ben jerks in surprise when he feels his father’s hand on his shoulder, squeezing him in reassurance as he tries to pass him.  Ben puts his arm out to hold him behind; Han pushes past him easily.  

“Take off your mask,” Han commands, the first words spoken since Karyan’s confession.  Han’s voice is so quiet it’s almost impossible to hear him over the roar of the ship in the background.  Karyan laughs, high pitched and cruel.

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” She asks.  She sounds afraid, almost.  Her voice is childlike as she addresses Han, something within her still knowing him as her father.  Ben’s heart aches at the memories of her, when she had been his  _ sister _ and not the monster that stood before them.  

“The face of my daughter,” Han breathes, moving farther past Ben on the bridge. Ben reaches to grip his arm, to hold him back, but the moment his fingers touch the fabric, Han wrenches his arm away.  Han takes two more steps forward, placing himself almost at the center of the bridge, standing with confidence between Ben and Karyan.  Bea stands silent for a long time before she reaches up and unclasps her mask, pulling it over her head in one fluid motion.  

Ben had seen her face before when she pushed him from her ship the day she had taken Rey, but not like this.  It was as though she had been expecting them, her long black hair had been wound around her head in a braid similar to the one their mother currently wore.  Both Ben and Han shifted uncomfortably, and behind him Ben could hear the soft growling hum of Chewbacca’s surprise.

“I’m not your daughter anymore,” she says, her words are slow and measured, “she’s long gone,” she pauses to watch them, taking in Ben, Han, and Chewbacca’s faces, her eyes watery but filled with cruel intent, “Good riddance.”  She laughs then, but there’s something not quite right about her.  She looks tired, afraid,  _ conflicted _ .  

“You’re still there,” Ben says despite himself, leaving Rey behind and taking a shaky step forward, and then another, until he has passed his father, placing himself directly in front of Karyan,  “You’re still Bea.”  

She doesn’t flinch back like he expected, instead she stands her ground and watches silently as he takes her helmet from her hands.  She allows him to take it, watching in silence as he tossed it over the edge of the bridge.  She makes no move to stop him, she doesn’t even watch it as it falls into the abyss.  Instead, her eyes are locked on Ben, and for the first time he can see it.  He can see her for what she really is.  Her eyes spark with emotion just below her cruel exterior.  On the inside, he can see that she’s still alive.  Buried deep beneath the darkness and ash of her force signature.  Inside, she still burns bright and blue and terrified.  

“I feel like I’m being torn apart,” she whispers, the same words he often thinks when he has to choose between right and wrong.  He understands her.

There’s a slight blush to her cheeks, eyes blurring with tears.  She looks so much different now than she did when she pushed him from her ship on Takodana.  He reaches for her, hands finding her shoulders and pulling her to him.  She comes willingly, falling into his arms, the weight of her pressing against his chest.

“I know,” he sighs into her ear, “I know, Bea, me too.”  Her face is buried in his shoulder, breathing him in.  She’s such a familiar weight in his arms.  Though she is older and taller now since he last held her, she still feels the same against him, her presence a comfort despite all she has done.  

She doesn’t hug him back, her arms hanging limply by her sides while he comforts her, desperately trying to soothe the monster she had become.

“He still wants you after all this time,” she says, turning her head slightly to whisper against the shell of his ear.  

He moves to pull away from her, trying to get a read on her face.  Who still wanted him?  She held him there, arm finally moving upwards, hands like talons digging into his shoulders.  He winces.  

“Bea what—” He begins, but she hushes him.

“I know what I need to do, brother,” her face was in front of his now, hands still biting into his shoulders, “I can finally be free.”  

Ben stares at her, his eyes wide with understanding.  She was going to finish what she started.

“Supreme Leader doesn’t want just me,” she growls, “He still wants you, Ben.  Even after all this time. Even after you’ve proven to be nothing but a disappointment.”  Ben is desperate, fighting against the hold she has on him.

“I can finally be rid of you.”

“Don’t!” His father calls from behind them, stomping forward on the bridge to pull Ben free of Karyan’s grasp.  She releases him without putting up a fight, her bloodlust now turned onto their father.  Ben stumbles backwards into Han, nearly bowling both of them over the edge before he has a chance to regain his balance.  

“And you,” Karyan hisses, pulling her saber from its hilt and igniting the blade, “you will be proof of my obedience.”  

Ben lunges forward, weaponless, driven by the need to protect his father.  He grips Karyan’s arm, twisting it to force her to drop her saber.  Her fingers don’t budge, gripping the dangerous red blade despite the pressure Ben is putting on her wrist.   

She moves then, her blade biting into the skin of Ben’s shoulder.  He roars in pain, struggling to keep the heat of the blade away from him.  Behind him, he’s distantly aware of Rey calling his name, and then the discharge of a weapon.  

It hits the bridge as a warning, breaking the two siblings apart.  

Karyan’s eyes flash dangerously as she jumps back from Ben, rounding again on Han.  She slashes are saber at him, laughing when he jumps away from the heat, nearly going over the edge of the bridge.

“Not the fighter you used to be, Han Solo,” Karyan taunts, advancing on him again, her saber slashing and stabbing as he backs away.  She’s  _ playing _ with him, part of her holding back from making the kill, from finally destroying the thing that is holding her back.  Her last shred of humanity, hidden in the man that abandoned her to her uncle when she was still so young.  The man that stood against her now, begging her to be that same little girl that she would never ever be again.  

Ben stood by, gripping the wound Karyan had given him, trying to regain enough of his composure to fight for his father.  On the other end of the bridge, behind Han stood Rey, Finn, and Chewbacca, weapons drawn, though none of them interfered.  

“This isn’t you, Bea,” Han shouted, jumping back from another swing of her saber.   

Karyan laughs in response, broken and deranged, stabbing her saber forward so suddenly it makes contact with Han’s flesh.  Han screams in pain, jerking away from the saber again and grabbing at his shoulder.  

Ben watches in horror, everything moving in slow motion.  Han loses his footing, toppling over the edge of the bridge, eyes wide with fear as he goes.

And then he’s screaming.  Ben is screaming, loud and filled with rage.  His chest is tight, heart squeezing uncomfortably as it hammers against his ribs.  Karyan rounds on him then, her face twisted into a sinister grin.  She bounds towards him, her boots thundering against the metal, closing the distance between them with her impossibly long strides.

Ben stands his ground and watches her.  His vision tinged red around the edges, a righteous rage building up within him.  She doesn’t make it all the way to him before he feels himself snap.  He raises his hands, calling on the force to disarm her.  Yanking her saber out of her hand so violently he can hear the “pop” her shoulder makes when it dislocates.  

Karyan hisses in pain, but she doesn’t slow down.  Her saber clatters against something nearby, but Ben has no idea where he’s thrown it.  All he can see is the monster that killed his father, marching towards him.  

When she was close enough, he reached for her, watching as she faltered for a moment, confused.  He took the opening she gave him, closing the final distance between them and  gripping her throat in his hands.  

She made a pitiful yelping noise when he grabbed her, not even bothering to let the force do the work for him.  No, he relished in the feeling of her throat in his hands, in the sound of her choking, desperately trying to breathe. 

“Yes,” she chokes out, eyes rolling back in her head, “let you hate fuel you, let—” She trembles, hands coming up to grip at his wrists. He squeezes harder to shut her up, shaking her.  Karyan’s words die in her throat, eyes watering, skin and lips ashen.  

"There you are," Karyan says, even now her eyes are dark and hungry.  Ben squeezes harder, almost relishing in the feeling of squeezing the life out of her.

Behind him he is faintly aware of some sort of scuffle, Rey and Finn reacting to his father going over the edge, no doubt.  It does nothing to sway him, to distract him from his mission.  Instead, he held Karyan fast, watching her facial muscles tense in anticipation for her death.

She made the most pathetic noises, choking, sputtering, whimpering beneath his hands.  But not once did she try to dislodge his fingers.  Her hands merely sat atop his, a terrifying smile glued to her face. She wanted him to kill her.  His stomach roiled at the thought, disgusted with himself, with her.  His fingers loosened on her throat, but nowhere near enough. 

"Do it," she chokes out when she feels him falter, "Let rage consume you." 

He roars with anger, with fear, with anguish and he presses his thumb into the center of her throat.  Behind him he can hear Rey's voice, screaming for him to stop.  He barely registers the sound of her.  The darkness feels good, it feels right when he calls out to it and it comes to him.  He feels powerful and complete. The realization terrifies him. 

“Ben!” Rey shrieks again.  He could feel  _ power _ surging through him.  Perhaps it was far too late for him to stop.  He ignores Rey again, in favor of redoubling his efforts, feeling her throat pop beneath his fingers.  She has the good sense to look afraid now and he feels raw power flowing through him.  He’s always been powerful, but now the dark side is singing beneath his skin.  

"Don't be afraid," Karyan whispers, voice hoarse and strained beneath his hands, "I feel it too."

_ Yes _ , her voice whispers in his mind, its presence spidery and light.  The same way Snoke’s had been all those years ago.  He recoils from her, shoving her body away from him and down to the metal bridge.  **_No_ ** , he wouldn’t be like her. 

“Ben!” Rey is at his side now, the two of them towering over Karyan Ren as she gasps for air.  Her throat is marred in bruises and swiftly turning an ugly purple hue.  The monster can’t quite catch her breath, but she looks no less dangerous or menacing, even knelt before them like a wounded animal. 

_ Don’t stop now _ , Karyan taunts her voice rippling through his mind while she still pathetically gasps for breath,  _ Finish me _ .  He stands completely still, his hands clenched into fists at his side.  

“Coward,” she rasps out, barely able to speak.  He steps back from her, disgusted.  Rey holds her ground, her face turned slightly to watch him as he retreats.  

“ _ COWARD _ !” Karyan shrieks, her voice echoing through the chamber, weak and strained.  

Ben retreats further and further, Rey finally turning to follow him.  He doesn’t take his eyes off of Karyan for a moment, even though she makes no move to follow or attack.  She’s spent.  Her power has left her, and for someone of her kind, so  _ sick _ and deluded, death is the only thing that will save her.  He won’t give her the satisfaction.  No, she would have to return to her master, broken and defeated.  

He feels Finn’s hands at his back when he moves closer, guiding him to the edge of the bridge.  Karyan watches, her eyes wild and filled with rage.  There is still a flame left inside of her, burning with hatred and a lust for power.  He could have killed her.  For a moment their desires had aligned.  He had been so filled with the same hatred and the same lust for power, but now he sees her for what she truly is.   _ Pathetic _ .

No wonder Snoke still wanted him.  

_ He has great plans for you, brother _ , Karyan pushes at him, eyes shining in amusement as reaches the edge of the bridge.  The title is a slap to his face, burning in his mind.

_ You can’t run, can’t hide. He’s always there, always watching _ .  Ben shivers at her words, but allows Finn to turn him slowly, pulling him along quickly.  They didn’t have much time before the explosives would detonate, he realizes.  

He had been the distraction.  

They’re on the upper bridge when the first of the explosions detonate.  The shockwave, nearly knocking them all to the ground.  Against his better judgement, he turns back to Karyan, still hoping, even after all this time, that there would be some shred of humanity left in her.  That she could come with them.

Instead, he sees her fall—eyes still filled with  _ so _ much hate and resentment—only to be consumed by the flames.


End file.
